Sex: "When you're younger and "things"... You older guys know what I mean by "things". When those "things" or "thing" doesn't work like you, or she would like, well, when you're a younger, studly kind'a guy, what do you say? "Uh, don't know what happend, honey." As both of you look at that little, dangly thing. "It was here and then just, you  know, kind'a went away." Embarrassed? Dissapointed? Yeah!

But when you're an older guy, even with the help of that little blue pill, or that little almond colored pill, that doesn't always work when and like you, or she would like, "Well," shrugging your shoulders, "Sorry, honey." Seeing as your energy levels are highest in the morning. "Guess we might as well have breakfast."

And "Honey" --  who's energy levels, along  with her desire for sex at 7:30 am is a bit on the low side -- is only too happy to head into the bathroom for her morning shower.

Exercise: Walking becomes boring. Jogging? Running? Riding a bicycle is easier on your knees and joints, so go peddle for a half hour... And if you happen to be in a neighborhood with younger people that do jog or run,  there's usually a nice tush or two to watch for the five or six seconds it takes to pass.

Hey, I said I was old, not dead.

Eating: Meeting in the back at 2:20 pm -- her with her glass of 7up diluted wine and me with my vodka tonic -- my girlfriend and I sit outside with our dogs until 2:55,  then go into our separate homes to watch Judge Judy, then have dinner with Doctor Phil.

See, when you're older, you can do this kind of stuff.

Dieting: Okay, I have always been a "nosher" , which is kind of an advantage when you have dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon because an early dinner gives you more time to nosh.

However, I have found that when I want to lose weight and cut down on noshing all I have to do is take my teeth out...

See, there are definite advantages to being old.

Problem is, you don't need teeth to slurp ice cream.