Bittersweet Surrender



The heart of worship in my opinion is all about giving more of yourself in homage to change, and being submissive for the sake of causes other than what you intended them to be. It’s about being humble, and giving faith to Him that directs us. The biblical scriptures are descriptive and intrusive. So much to the point that they are ominous and necessary. When you really think about the veracity of its intent and apply them to your life situation you'd be putting yourself in position to reap benefits. That we are in the last days should be reason enough to conform to facts about why the need to love a purpose driven life.

But as I contemplate and think on the lesson of my life, I can’t help but to reflect how with the theme of all this, remembering times on my knees. It's about supplication and needed prayer. It surely seemed like the Lord shone a flashlight into the recesses of my heart and rendered me to be open and assessible to change. Of course, I didn’t always surrender, nor did I acknowledge or admit limitations....and if obedience and trust were part of the bargain, I allowed impatience to circumvent my better judgment. I allude to this ‘surrender’ thing to a few hardships of today and to the angst I experienced of yesteryear.

I’m human and have fallen prey to iniquity and apostasy at times...but the heart of my worship and knowing now that the blessings of surrender are about peace, freedom, and God’s power working wonders as I sought to walk a different path. It wasn’t always so easy. Every time I think of what it took for me to leave one life and enter another one, I think of John 13: 12-17. Communion. The washing of feet, et al. I imagined Jesus going around the table to each one of the disciples and washing their feet -- including the feet of Judas Iscariot, who Jesus knew was born to betray Him. Even after reading such a powerful set of verses, I knew that I had to right my wrongs and take into consideration that which I had to surrender to Him for observation I’ve had to confess to God, “I’m not there yet”. I resisted and I felt like I wrestled with an angel. Back and forth we went. The angles saying, “Alvin, you MUST!” And me saying, “Oh no, not that. Anything but that.” I tried bartering with the angel because I could visualize compromising, and continuing the life of sin -- bit washing someone’s feet to atone. That, in my mind was asking too much! Every night for quite awhile I read that story. At first I focused on the promise of Verse 17, “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” I wanted that blessing part. But I knew that to get the blessing I had to embrace and put into action all the principles that the example set, including love, humility, mercy, and submission. The promise was conditional, it meant: “IF you do them, you will be blessed.” The blessing I found out was in the fruit of the labor. It took a long time for me to learn, but I finally got it. In the presence of the Lord, that very night, as I lay in my bed between healing and sleep, I visualize myself understanding the virtues of washing feet. “Yes Lord, I see now. Thank you for teaching me YOUR WAYS!” The lesson learned was surrendering taking the good with the bad and knowing that the reluctance in doing so is only temporary in beneifiting from that which is always waiting, willing, and wanting.



This is MY story of surrender.