The scent of a woman hung heavily in the air. Looking around curiously, I found her, as she looked me straight in the eye with a half-smile pasted on her ruby red, but inviting lips. I looked up and down and liked what I saw, and wondered was she that type that I’ve come to witness so prevalent nowadays – so independent and with that ‘devil may care attitude’. She came across as pure elegance with an aura of styled essence defining a sense of belonging. I stood up to my full 6’4” height for dramatic effect, ready to assert my rules of engagement. It was on, as I made my way toward one of God’s better creations. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shift her weight in a stance suggesting a ghetto style confrontation. “Hello Miss Lady, how are you this morning?” I chirped, looking for any hint of acceptance. I waited for what seemed like a pregnant 2 minutes, while noticing her inspecting me also for defects, as she finally responded uttering, “I’m fine, what about you?” Not knowing what to expect, I countered with, “I want to compliment you on that beautiful dress you’re wearing…tell me sister, are you single or married dressed as splendid as you are?” I felt I was on cloud nine after smoothly coming up with such a complete sentence without stuttering! “Nice try, Brother, but to tell you the truth, I’m not one for that “married” bit…I answer to NO man. I’ve been single too long for some man to tell me what to do. I’m enjoying totally the life I’ve created for myself with money that I’ve earned. Know what I mean? I come as I please, make my own money, and can afford to play the field just like you men do, and command it, even.” With that, she swung her well-rounded hips around dismissing me all in the process.

I heard her clear her throat as I made my way back to my seat, chagrined and feeling chastised for no apparent reason. Without losing face, I somehow managed to nod meekly in her presence as she made her way out, taken aback by her audacity and sassy demeanor. Bianca couldn’t help but notice the dejected look on the face of the man, but didn’t offer any condolences for her view of men who couldn’t deal with balanced scales and her take charge attitude. His hasty retreat didn’t enamor her to this type of man who didn’t challenge her resolve, nor did it make any sense to me wondering why simple dialogue has to be so acerbic and lost amid well-intended communiqués.

Talk about the new breed of woman so prevalent in our world nowadays! The scenario above was real with me being the one observing close up how women are not only standing up for what they believe and want, but also doing it with style and substance. Bianca Ford hardly looked the type of woman who has to look hard for a man of her choosing. And she doesn’t. She was a 35-year old lawyer, well versed on haute couture, and travels quite extensively. Attractive and with a great disposition, she brought her ‘A’ game, but had charisma and the whole package to be as assertive as she wanted to. What she and other women in her position want is lasting relationships with strong Black men, intelligent and with enough moxie to let them know that men are not all dogs.

I was approached by a colleague of mine to give insight on the meaning of such pithy perceptions that women are stepping up to the plate and doing much more than getting on base. They are scoring often and with class. This article attempts to answer a few questions and get opinionated views from those that are subjective to woman perceived to be independent, well heeled and not lacking anything that would suggest any subservient mannerism from men. I wanted a few timely comments from women to explain why there was a need to flip the script. My episodic engagement with Bianca only reiterated notions to the aforementioned with more questions of my own as to how my brothers are accepting this new breed of women. I wanted to engage them for candid expressionisms that would paint perhaps a different picture with colors that may, or may not give rhyme to any reasonable doubt. We men know the problematic issues that assertive women bring to any table. There are times when diplomatic resolve is but a moot point where détente is concerned. With this in mind, there’s no mistaking the strides women have achieved in leveling the playing field. The once cumbersome quest of allowing liberated women to stand side by side with male authoritative supremacy is not only wistful, but also willing. This new phenomena in Black America in the emergence of women of color who are single, powerful and/or rich, in control of their lives is real – and the men are talking!

The questions haunting us men concerns much more than self-esteem, although that makes for part of the whole that is lacking, but losing control will always be a point of contention to some. How are we coping, though? How much have we actually lost that may threaten our proverbial head of household position, if at all? I can’t speak for my brothers, as for me; my encounter with Bianca gave me more to think about than any of the questions above. The one constant thought that permeates my mind is how much women in the Black Diaspora has matured and carved niches that are tantamount to lofty perches in the pecking order of respectability…and this says a lot about tenacity and perseverance. They’ve achieved this despite the much talked about shortage of good men to choose from. Yes, success breed’s confidence, which means that it’s all right and possible to exude and flaunt sex as the right accompaniment to sell sass and distribute it well. They are out there, and can talk a good game, ranging in ages from the late 20’s to 30ish women, and on through middle age. They toil in all aspects of our society, determined to excel despite odds, real or imagined.

I had a chance to ask the questions that needed to be answered. A few of my peers even warmed to the idea of sharing views of these high-octane femme fatales that we can’t seem to do with and without. Several of the men admitted that, yes, they are sometimes intimidated by their visibility and power using sex to gain vantage points. Again, on a more personal note, I’ve always deplored the way I’ve seen my counterparts display a lack of refined mannerism in approach and decorum. I’ve lived both spectrums of existence relating to the single life, and as a married man, and women are not taking the stuff that are being pushed to them for acceptance. To illustrate my point, I approached another comely woman minutes after Bianca departed and I asked her, “What is your opinion of the men who for whatever reason are turned down by you in terms of their attitudes?” Her answer didn’t surprise me. She responded matter of fact, “I’m at an age where I don’t have time for men who are stuck on themselves, and still harbor the age-old mindset that woman are supposed to be relegated to the kitchen and the bedroom.” She further stated that, I couldn’t stand an insecure man…who has time to waste? I’m attracted to guys who have their act together. Hell, I love assertive men myself!” Janice, who happened to be within earshot claimed, men are such liars that they cannot be trusted, and don’t practice what they preach…it’s all a game to them.” Before I could get to the subject of this piece, another indignantly proclaimed, “I want a man just like my Daddy, a strong man…one I can gain knowledge from and with a set of ethics that I can in turn give to my kids as good examples!”

Fade back to my brothers and it’s a different story. I was hard-pressed to find adequate answers to refute what the sisters threw out for debate. I’m implored them to make a stand. Most of them justified their actions, and gave such weak analogies from accusing them of wanting more power to being outright disrespectful. Take Jason for example. Jason consider himself a bona fide Playa…. a ladies man who knows how far good looks and a physique that women like. Jason hasn’t met a woman yet (no matter how sassy she is, he says), who he feels that can’t be bedded for all intended purposes. I asked him what he thought about those career-minded successful women, and he bellowed, “As long as I’m going to be allowed to push up on it, and give what’s expected of me I’m always going to represent.” With attitudes like that, how can we gain clout and bridge any gaps between us? Not all of them thought like Jason. Quite a few of them applauded the women that aspired to be models for other little girls destined to follow in their footsteps. I came to the conclusion that there’s a lot of work to be done. We must embrace our sisters, hold them up in esteem, and love them tenderly as helpmates to reunite the family and fortify communities. It’s all about wooing respectfully and keeps them honest enough to give second chances to men like the Jasons of the world.

If for no other reason than to pay homage to the idea of a principled mindset for fidelity, I’m sure that the Superwoman and the Black man’s fragile ego won’t go lacking should he finally wake up and accept these women. I say to my sassy, sensuous and soothing women, you of the independent type, keep your head up don’t accept anything less than respect. I address my brothers with harsher tones and challenge them to pick up the gauntlet and move! Approach that savvy woman and know that you have someone who God gave you as a worthy companion. Our women are first class, and I’d be the first to admit that for the confident Black man who is looking for an attractive, strong, and financially secure woman – these sassy high-powered women have a lot to offer!