For all of the aforementioned, there’s another side of the coin. Loneliness, for instance, is an issue. They tend to withdraw in shells taking on reclusiveness. One in four say they have no one to whom they could relate their worries or successes. Despite naysayers who may think otherwise, it’s so easy to take friendship for granted, to make it secondary to other demands on our time. It is after all, precious in part because it is voluntary, costs nothing, and free from the bonds that tend to keep us pressed to declare allegiance in other relationships without the real reason to stick and stay for loyal intent. The lonely may feel that making friends is not ideal, their ticket to finding companionship for all it is worth. If you’re not gregarious enough, if you’re not a social butterfly, if you do not possess a 'Type A' personality, and certainly if you find it hard to share, the best form of allowing to be embraced for shared intimacies, is to position yourselves for establishing a base for friendship. It will happen, real or imagined. Even if individuals move in and out of your lives, you should not think of friendship itself as something easily dismissed. The best life demands that you think , or resorting to a ‘nobody cares’ attitude. You have to work it…make it happen, reach out for a kindred spirituality. It’s all about how you can give someone else a chance to have a friend in you. Planning who should be in your circle, just as much as you cater around your families, your careers, money initiatives, and where you live fostering situations to meet new-found friends is part of that plan. There’s no denial how new scholarship shows that friends are every bit as important to health and well-being as familial order, a sense of intimacy, and just about anything deemed as a central balance in life. I’m amazed at how the friends we tend to keep share some of the same live-changing qualities of great recognizance of favor and flavor in the choices we make. One theory that I found that has cognitive value is where much of how personality builds from the qualities that are copied, and then assimilated from the myriad of friends we gravitate toward. Think about this if you will: hanging around with smarter friends makes us smarter; more social-minded friends make us out-going; healthy friends make us more health conscious, and friends that possess quirks that generate spontaneity allow for good spur of the moment confidence. The best thing I can attest to is the fact that associated brings about assimilation…we tend to emulate that which is common and compatible with our sensibilities.  Who they are becomes part of you along with having  good friends having life-sustaining practical benefits. I interviewed many people to ascertain their mindset on what a true friend should be. What characteristics should they embody, and to what effect would it be to them embracing them. I also delved deeply as part of my research to write adequately on the subject of friendship relative to the Harvard Grant, a 75-year study on human development and companionship. It reported that strong relationships are the most important ingredient to well-being and for a long life of contentment. The message that resonated with me echoed the sentiments of how good relationships keep us happier and healthier depending on the friends you keep.

Should you Abandon Friendships that are not to your Advantage?

 What a question, right? Conventional wisdom will always purport that you should abandon old friends that you no longer have much in common with, or even those that do not keep lines of communication open. Of course, that can go both ways. If you’re not taking initiatives corresponding on a regular basis to your friends, out of sight out of mind could easily be the rule of the day! There are vacillating points that give validity to both analogies. My question is this: why not shed relationships that are no longer apropos — the ones in which old friends stay together simply because of shared memories, relevant associations and experiences from the past? Personally, I lament the fact that people that I once wined and dined with, those that were ride and die acquaintances, have filed me away in some furlong closet of their minds. I too, am guilty of not sustaining the wherewithal picking up the phone dialing numbers in my database, or better yet, with the advent of social media, to just reach out with a simple, “hello, how are you?”  When I think about this, there can be no denying that we rely on true friends for shelter and certain relationships and levels of comfort, but make it responsive there must be ways to swallow foolish pride. To be honest there’s no compelling reason not to abandon what transpired as great relations to lose common ground. Friends, if cultivated for lasting appeal should be accepted in an individual or collective viewpoint, keeping all affected grounded and hopeful. This is especially true of those types of friends with whom there’s a shared and meaningful past. Let’s shift to relationships gone awry, i.e, marriages that went bust, friendships that cause such riffs that are beyond repair, and in a distaff way of things, women losing friends which take on yet, a different disposition. 

How to Recognize Fair-weather Friends, and How to be a Good Friend

      Up to now, and beyond you will hear me refer to ‘true friendship’ and the value of it. I will ask each of you, how many people in your life do you call true friends? I’m not talking about the average person you give a ride to from time tot\ time, or the ones who you see occasionally that may take you for granted calling you ‘friend’, or even the ones who are only in your space because of what they can get from you. I’m talking about the first person you call when the real drama pops off, or the one who adheres to the adage, ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed?’ My whole premise for this is the one you can depend on in your time of duress…the one that’s going to tell you the truth, even if it hurts your feelings. The individuals you’d trust with your children and share some of your deepest secrets, your money or your life? Is there someone like this in your circle of influence? Now process this information and I would be willing to bet most of you can count them on one hand. It’s sad to say indeed, if none of the above fits the category of you having a true friend. Time and timing are bedfellows that work in tandem when elements of fostering friendship that lasts. Through life, it’s not folly with us hanging out with people that five years down the road we may never see again. Time can be fleeting if everything is not in place for good glue to stick. Ties that bind, more do not justify good fabric to weave true st.  People change as they mature, and it’s not from contention that you either end up having a friend with you through growing times, or you end up leaving people behind. Fair-weathered friends are those that cling for ulterior motives and are extremely opportunistic. You recognize them when the chips are down and they can’t, or won’t deliver heart-felt initiations to embellish your needs when it’s time. You also will notice how they make excuses to banter to their own causes than do what they can when you need them most. They can be most selfish when it comes to giving something up rather than allow you to advance in lieu of them benefitting. 

    Good friends on the other hand, those that you trust can be hard to find. They are the opposite of the fair-weathered ones. Acquaintances, associates, partners, and colleagues are found in abundance…but a true friend is scarce, and to be treasures. If friendships are to become good and lasting, both friends need to work at being de facto good friends, and it takes much more than wishful thinking or without willful effort. If you’re to understand differences thereof, you must keep associates and the like in their place. They are put in that category for a reason. Something is preventing you from viewing them as a friend. This report on whether friendship is really important can not stand on its own without ten analogies that I deem necessary to connote what makes a good friend. Below you will find my reasonings: 

• A Good Friend makes time and Timing relevant…most friendships fail because of neglect.  Like anything else that would stand the test of time, friendship must be cultivated and nourished over a period of time.
• A Good Friend keeps your most intimate revelations close to the vest. Whom to trust is important…it should be someone that has your back no matter what.
• A Good Friend should embody Affection. Whomever that person is, the both of you should hold each other in high esteem…enjoy each other’s company, laugh and sing together, while comforting and encouraging each other!
• A Good Friend employs Constancy. A real advocate for you is one who will never give you up or let you down. Constant friends make the hard times easier and the easy times better.  
• A Good Friend requires Honesty and Transparency. Someone that’s in your corner sees you more clearly than you see yourself…they know your most challenging temptations and your shameful failures where the doors of your soul are open for honest dialogue. Moreover, a good friend loves enough to give these faithful wounds, and also loves enough to do it kindly.
• A Good Friend is all about Empathy, about the ability to understand and adjust to someone’s emotional state.
• A Good Friend will have to possess a sense of Spirituality where prayer is much more par for the course…it involves God in the relationship, and makes everything listed above tenable and doable for Agape love.

   It’s imperative that you understand that these ingredients of good friendship are not guaranteed. It’s possible that they may be used to the utmost of intent, and yet still lack you finding even one friend. The law of averages can play major parts of how success is generated in the phenomenon of making friends. Key to it all are embellishing perseverance and determination reciprocating them. You cannot MAKE someone be your friend…if it’s not in them, it won’t happen. The transparent model requires mutuality — friendship tendencies where the ability to step outside of the box and certain comfort zones to challenge change.

What About Social Media…Do the Face of a Book Still Matter?

      Before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, et al, there was My Space, up to then was considered the newest way to generate face to face interaction. Back then, you truly could judge a book by its cover because a mirror image was where you could see whom you were corresponding with. Today, online machinations have altered the way we communicate to gain friendships, and Facebook with its many restrictions allow members opportunities taking advantage of the latest gimmicks to expand its popularity, much like that of Twitter…and Instagram, where pictorial images are king. Multiple friends were generated with just a click of a mouse. Are these friendships like those developed the old-fashioned way with the face to face contact and shared activities over time, I just mentioned? And now that we are deeply ensconced in cyber action where the internet has changed how we work, play, and take to each other, will it change our friendships, too? Will that face to face situation be a thing of the past? Before you answer in the affirmative to that question, know that the internet is all about communication, and communication is the foundation of friendship. But for all that it offers, it has its limitations. Others will tell you that the positives outweigh the negatives. Whether the internet makes or breaks friendships depends on personal experience and how it benefits one who may not be tuned to face to ace meetings. With that said, studies have shown that more people are turning to the ‘Net when they need a friend. Where they have slightly larger social networks than non-users. Rather than get conventional consultation, I’ve found that more people use the internet to put their networks into motion when they need help with important issues in their lives. Liking to a close friend is not the first option. Alas, Social Media will surely matter if real friendship continues to involve accepting others’ imperfections. Albeit, online interaction makes it easy to hide flaws as well as market yourself as if you were a picture-perfect commodity, not a person. In addition, if things aren’t going well between buddies, you can just delete that friend from your email or from facebook itself. Hardly a mature way to end relationships, but for those that are not online there have been other spacious ways of eliminating people from your lives. Internet or not, it is shared experiences and going far deeper than what is seen on the surface when deciding who should be your friend. That ‘book’ needs to be  opened enough to know how discernible options can fuel deductive reasoning. True friendship then, goes way beyond the internet. Social media sites foster contacts, yes, but that’s not the same as garnering worthy friendship.

Where are the best friendship found

    In order to find, harbor, and maintain great levels of platonic friendship, quite a few things come into play. First and foremost, and should use an innate sense of awareness to gauge a person’s mind diet and sensibilities. This is done by using discernible options to deduct reasoning, be logical in how to judge mannerisms…and then there’s plain ole common sense. Someone once told me that the best type of friendship can be found in the workplace. I listened to him, but truly didn’t hear him. Why? Simply because I can attest that the worst kinds of friendship for me were the cubicles that harbored divided loyalties for the purpose of going favor with the boss. Jealousies, envy, and jockeying for position never lost its place in the office, for sure. But then again, after contemplating it beyond surface attributes, it was easy for me to go a bit deeper invoking the thinking and lingo of the corporate world to make a case. I feel this way because some of the messiest and unforgiving relationships that are prevalent…and good vibes no matter success rates are that drive motivated morale, they aren’t nearly as efficient as they would appear to be. More to the point, we live in an impersonal society where it’s anthem perils harmony if there’s. No chemistry or camaraderie. The best friendships are found with those who use experience as the best teachers gauging practice, purpose, and patience. Friendships are always important when you know you’ve made the best decisions based on margins are not compromised, rules of engagement are intact, and the propensity for errors are minimized. I always make a point telling people that the best friendships are based on trust, understanding and empathetic renderings. Reading this essay you should come out of it knowing that there are many elements of how to judge or choose friendships. Conventional wisdom often alludes to the fact that nothing shall stop the idea of working together at the expense of rejection and bias if teamwork doesn’t make the dream work!