THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!” (They won’t always be cute and adorable), was written with that thought in mind. How can something as wonderful as bringing a life into this world be anything but blissful?

We want to believe that we will be ‘great’ parents. Even better parents than ours were. Or will we? Have you ever heard the saying “if it’s not broken, don’t fix it?” I believe this is exactly what happened. We took great parenting skills and turned them into a tug and war party.

Yes, I know we all have our ‘black belt scars,’ but the one thing I remember; there was no denying, when you were told “NO,” it meant no. When you were put on restriction, you’d better not even think about sticking your head outside that bedroom door. The respect and honor was there, and no one crossed the line. We thought our parents were old and outdated and didn’t have a clue, but did they??

As parents, we didn’t just try to re-invent the wheel, we threw the mold away and decided to design a brand new one. We feel we are so intelligent, that we decided to allow our young children to make the rules of when they will go to bed and wake up….wow, did we already get to the teenage years? We allow them to express themselves through tantrums when they are told “NO,” and then, if they don't get exactly what they want, the make a scene allow us to crawl out of the store from embarrassment.

If that’s not bad enough, they get older. Now, no matter how many times you tell them not to ‘expect’ things, every time you go somewhere, it turns into ‘it’s all about me, mom and dad.” I need this…I need that! You attempt to set boundaries about how much money can be spent on school clothes, and the next thing you know, you're spending a crazy amount of money, just so your beautiful child looks 'perfect.'

The amount of manipulation we accept is out of control. THE BOOK talks specifically about how I tried to set boundaries, but unfortunately, I wasn’t consistent. I either got warn down, or I was so overwhelmed by my day to day activities. Children are very smart, they know just when to get you, and if you don’t stay alert 24/7 you will lose the battle.

Don’t get me wrong, our children are wonderful and it goes without saying, we want nothing but the best for our precious loves. But, if we continue to give and give, without any expectations of receiving, we will raise self-absorbed, disrespectful adults with little to no character.

For every thing given, one must feel some compassion to give back. When children are handed everything, including money, why would they feel any responsibility to do anything for anyone? Would you? If I had a personal ATM, do you think I would think twice about doing something to earn that money….

When your child is in middle school, you begin to see the ‘separation period.’ Whether you wish to admit it or not, it’s there. Little by little, the time they use to want to be around you, will diminish. This is one of the most frightening feelings for any parent. We wish they could stay young and dependent on us, but time will not allow that to happen. They grow so fast leaving you to say “where did the time go?”

We have choices on good parenting versus friendly parenting. We want to be our children’s friends. But, you can’t. Get your own friends and do things with them. Kids don’t really respect you for trying to be their friend. They really want you to keep your distance and be there to pull them back when they have gone to far.If I heard that statement once, I have heard it a thousand times. I even heard it from my own child. Ouch!!

All I wanted to do was make our house “the house.” I wanted the children to want to come over and hang out. I thought I had good reason for that theory. The major one was because we weren’t allowed to have our friends over to our home when I was younger. My mother did not want her house messed up. The other reason, I just loved having the children in my home. I knew where they were, we always had so much fun. I learned how to dance like them, they ate all my food, they confided in me. It was awesome! But...it wasn't about ME!

To this day, when they come home from college to visit their parents, they will stop by just to say hello and then the reminiscing begins. They tell me the time spent at our house was the best and they have great memories of fun, laughter and eating. Priceless!

Once your child enters those ‘high school years,’ look out. If you have not equipped your child to know right from wrong, have morals and ethics, and have a positive outlook on who they are and where they are going, this world will eat them up. (I know, I know, these are issues that are better left unsaid!) But, if you can trust someone that learned the hard way, I can only hope that your path will be much more pleasant.

Today, our children are faced with pressures that you and I cannot even relate to. It isn’t because we don’t want to relate to them, we don’t know how. How do you prepare your child for another child filled with so much anger that he may come into their school and shoot them. How can you tell your young child to not take anything from one of their friends, because it may be a serious drug that could kill you. How do you tell your sophomore in high school that driving with other kids that have been drinking and/or doing drugs, may have a devastating outcome. How do they walk away from them and not feel the pressure to go with them?

These are serious issues, and when we take the ‘friendly parent’ position, it may not have the same impact on your child that a parent that has been strong and direct may have. We must take back the parent role and not be intimidated in any way shape or form. We need to set some serious boundaries and enforce them. We must not be meek and feel that we are letting our children down. We let our children down when we do not show our authority. There will be a day when we can be friends with our children….when they’re 30!!

Today’s parenting takes more time and wisdom and we owe it to them. We are the adult, we have already walked in their shoes, they haven’t walked in ours. I know some parent’s feel that ‘they have to learn from their own mistakes.' Yes, I agree, but that does not mean we just stand by and allow them to set themselves up.

It is a harsh world we are living in and it is very important for parents to bring back family values. Correct the craziness that goes on outside your four walls. Bring back dress codes, dinner at the dining room table, family chores, and especially family time.

Have you ever noticed how girls act when they have their ‘hoochie momma’ clothes on versus when they have their formal gowns on at prom? How about our boys, the ‘sag’ look attitude, then look at them when you ask them to put on their nice clothes to go to church or out to dinner. Please don’t tell me that children don’t act like they dress.

Morals and ethics are at a all time low. Condoms and sex education in the middle schools! Excuse me. Why do we allow outside sources to tell our children things that are meant for the parents to share with their child at the appropriate time? What business is it for the school board to decide it is time for our innocent children to be sexually educated? Do you feel that maybe this is your decision as a parent?

Respect. How much respect do you see when you are out and about? Have you been to your child’s school lately? Do you see the way these children speak to the administration and/or their teachers? It is shocking. It is appalling.

It is time for us to take the bull by the horns. Learn that NO is NO without discussion. Remind your children daily of the chores they must complete, and that their homework must be finished before they have computer time or get on the phone. We had to do that and it didn’t kill us!

Family time is very important today. Everyone needs to be heard without condemnation. Let your children speak to you….if you don’t, they will speak to someone else and you may not like who it is, or what they say.

Written by Lisa Hein, Author of THE BOOK "I'm Doing The Best I Can!" (They won't always be cute and adorable)