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Regis Auffray

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Dumber Than a Bag of Hammers
by Regis Auffray   
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Article by Sha'Tara (not me)...

Dumber Than a Bag of Hammers

 

Ever hear the expression "dumber than a bag of hammers"?  Probably.

 

I don't like not knowing what some expression means. 

 

So I got to thinking (Yeah, an affliction one is born with, but not to worry, it's not the least contagious) that maybe I should test this bit of common wisdom.  I put 7 hammers in a bag (7 being a divine and powerful number and all that, just to be sure) and I've had them in that bag for over a year now.  Today was the day: the bag opening! 

 

What did I expect?  Well, I know that a hammer is a means of transferring energy.  Another item used to transfer energy is, of course, money.  Hammer, money: same thing.  What other uses can they have?  If you put money in a bag, take it to the bank, it grows.  That's called interest.  Maybe not much these days, unless you already have so much money you don't need anymore.  Little money doesn't grow well in our banks.  Something to do with a poison called service fees. (If you print it small it doesn't seem so much and I don't want to scare anyone unnecessarily.)

 

Ah yes, hammers.  Well, I opened the bag.  I didn't expect a lot more hammers, these being such hard times, but I did expect there'd be at least a couple more than the original 7.  But no.  If anything, I got less because the bag had gotten wet and the hammers were badly rusted.  What went wrong? 

 

I had to do some more thinking.  I cleaned the hammers and started thinking about money.  Why does it work for money and not other hammers?  Then I began to see.  Money, unlike other tools, has absolutely no value whatsoever.  So that had to be it.  Because it has no value, it must expand itself, reproduce itself, somehow, to make up for the loss it creates by its very existence.  Wait, it gets better.

 

The more money you have, the less value you possess.  Another way of putting it is, money robs you because it possesses you, so you roll in it.  Possessed by Greed, so to speak.

 

An interesting observation:  The world gives power to those who have nothing of value to share or give.  They have money (nothing) or they can lay their hands on stacks and stacks of nothing - but nothing else.  Usually these are people with no life skills.  Everything they have, everything they use, has to be made by someone else.   So because they have no life skills and can't do anything worthwhile, they are relegated to ruling the world.  And here's where it gets even better.

 

Those who can do things gladly serve those who have no skills.  They make the things so the skill-less rich can sell them back to them.  And they buy them.  At 10 to 1000 times their worth.  They laugh at the antics and shenanigans of the valueless, even when these are so immoral and sick they would disown their own children if found doing these things.  They eat their fast foods, drink their chemical drinks, wear their labels, watch their TV programs and commercials, listen to their radios, read their press and believe their news, watch their violent movies and equally violent sports and pay through the nose for these "privileges". 

 

When they borrow money, they give the valueless the key to their vehicles and to the front door of their homes.  These keys are called loans or mortgages.  The valueless have a way of never relinquishing these keys once they get them.  The people give them their sons and daughters to go fight resource and territorial wars and when the child has died, after killing unknown numbers of innocents "over there" they line up at the pumps and pay again - more blood money.  They pay the fines of rich criminals; they foot the bill for their mistakes and legalized mis-deeds; supply their limos, whores, pimps and gala parties all over the world.  They vote for them and encourage others to do the same.  They pay taxes which keep increasing while the so-called "services" keep dwindling. 

 

This, it would seem, is all good.    Why?

 

Because the valueless tell them to and because they are valueless it follows that what they say has to be the truth. 

 

It's a great system. 

 

Well, it must be because no one seems to be in any hurry to replace it with something else.  Ask any bloated human at a McDonalds how the System could be changed and they'll look at you over their half eaten McDeal with tomato juice running down the side of their mouth and reach for their super-sized fries and large Coke.  If you are lucky, you'll get away with a string of 4-letter word invectives.  Let's not go there.

 

So, this became clear to me as a result of my experiment. I consider this to be a scientific discovery, so I have to give it a proper name and description.  A Nobel prize can't be too far away now if I can just get those BSC's, LLB's, DMV's, APC's, DDV's, DVD's and assorted letters the valueless give each other after they finish fooling around in league with the ivy. (Sorry, don't know what that means.)   

 

Sha'Tara's Law:  A thing will multiply in direct proportion to it's lack of value.

 

That explains at least 3 things: why large sums of money make tons of interest but little sums make little or none.  It explains why corporations continue to grow and grow.  It also explains why humans are proliferating at such an alarming rate these days.  The less value, the more reproduction.  Now, what (or who) is dumber than a bag of hammers?

 

There, a few more annoying issues exposed, if not resolved. 

 

Was that about money or hammers?  Duhhhh, I dunno.  Pass me another beer!

(or for my Mennonite Mexican partner in crime: Una otra cerveza, por favor!)

 

Sha'Tara the Grey

 
 


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Reviewed by m j hollingshead
Reviewed on January 2, 2007
interesting article, enjoyed the read

Reviewed by N RK (Reader)
Reviewed on December 15, 2006
Does the same apply to our world leaders *lol* ... just kidding - every soul contains a spark of divine "gold" ... but a wonderful, humourous analogy ...

Reviewed by Ian Thorpe
Reviewed on February 17, 2006
This stirs some thoughts.
The people with skills and no money serve the skilless and make them rich. I first came across that notion, expressed somewhst differently in Robert Tressell's The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists which was written early in the 20th century. "The Money Trick" as Tressell called it has become more complex since then.
The hammer was often known in Britain as The Birmingham screwdriver. Birmingham UK was the centre of our now defunct car industry. Think about the nature of a Birmingham screwdriver and you understand why our car industry is defunct.
I don't know the expression but people here say "mad as a bag of spanners", presumably because if you carry a bag of spanners as you walk they sound like a gang of angry elves.
I prefer "mad as a box of frogs."

The national mood in the US seems to be changing somehow. A couple of years ago the writer would have been tarred and feathered for this.

But I agree totally with the points made.

Ian

Reviewed by Sarah Tagert
Reviewed on December 15, 2005
intresting musings!

Reviewed by Rebekah Rosie Lang
Reviewed on November 20, 2005
Hey good buddy! I really like the
thoughts you imposed among us readers!
Makes one want to think a bit! Wonderful
article! Becca

Reviewed by Aberjhani
Reviewed on November 18, 2005
DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS is sharper than a bucket of nails:-) A fun romp through the philosophy of not-so-common sense. Enjoyed it.

Reviewed by Leland Waldrip
Reviewed on November 16, 2005
Hey Regis. I like that pen name, "Sha'Tara." Bag of hammers is a pretty good theme too. Can't get a better metaphor than that.
Best regards,
Leland

Reviewed on November 16, 2005
thanks for sharing this informative yet fun write; very well done, regis!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :D

Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Reviewed on November 16, 2005
Most interesting offering Regis!!

Thanks for sharing!!

Love Tinka

Reviewed by Ed Matlack
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
Saw the name of the story and thought you were talking about George W Bush, our infamous president...a fun one...Ed

Reviewed by - - - - - TRASK
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
YEP-----AS (YOUR) Life HAS No VALUE Unless YOU As INDIVIDUAL Do ACCOMPLISH Something OF Value BEFORE You LEAVE This EVIL WORLD,i.e. DIE...

TRUST MY WORD OF (God),i.e. I Will See Greet You In Your MOURNING...

(God) Will Only Ask You 1 Question: WHY!

Will You Any Human Being Have Anything Of Value To Answer!

TRASK

Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
7 Hammers and a six-pack to go! What an idea for a country song with a beat, pounding out Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson and the Outlaws. Rusty nails and claw diggers---women of wild ways and money don't matter, take it out in trade! Thanks Regis. Your friend Sha'Tara knows her way around a bag of hammers.

Sage

Reviewed by Cynth'ya Reed
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
I'll take a sack of 7 hammers to go. Might be able to sell them on Ebay! And this was a big smiler for me Bro Regis: A great explanation for the relationship between Walmart shoppers who hammer each other for cheap goods, and the Waltons who hammer the consumers who can't say "no."
blessin's, this was brilliant,
cynth'ya

Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very (Reader)
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
Regis I love these view points of Sha'Tara. Very Wise person. Very wise. This world really has no values at all! This is excellent Thank you so much! Merci' boucoup
Je T'aime Mon Ami
Tracey 42xoox(c :)

Reviewed by Felix Perry
Reviewed on November 15, 2005
Verrrrrrryyyy Interesting.
Felix

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