Dear readers,
I have no idea who the author or authors of these “definitions” may have been… but they sure are creative and soooooooooo funny, I couldn’t resist sharing them with you. Hope they’ll give you some good laughs! :0)
You’re more than welcome to add any I may have forgotten… or many new ones to TOP these! ;0)

The Top of:

• Absent-mindedness – to lay your robe on the bed and then hang yourself on the door hook
  
• Altruism – someone who takes full responsibility for someone else’s farts
  
• Asses – the jack is trying to have sex with the jenny, when she shouts – “no, not there, you jackass! That’s my asshole!”
  
• Bad aim – to throw a stone to the ground and miss it
  
• Bad luck – in a soccer stadium, with 120.000 fans, 22 players, 10 reserves, 1 referee, 2 line judges and a bunch of policemen, the pigeon had to poop on YOUR head.
  
• Cowardice – farts and runs from the smell
  
• Dictators – represses his own farts
  
• Distraction – to eat the napkin and then wipe your mouth with the steak
  
• Dryness – a cow that produces only powder milk
  
• Economists – finds a way to make his farts profitable
  
• Endurance – a guy blowing up a bull’s butt until its horns go straight
  
• Fatalism – farts and says “it was fate!”
  
• Hardship – to catch fleas with a boxing glove
  
• Haste – a guy about to make love, who says “oh, it’s going to be so good… wasn’t it?”
  
• Hypochondria – farts and goes to hospital
  
• Industry – to eat sawdust and to expel plywood
  
• Irresponsibility – to have diarrhea and to risk a fart
  
• Lethargy – to watch a snail race in slow motion
  
• Mistake – a worm goes into a plate of macaroni thinking it’s an orgy
  
• Noise – two skeletons making love on a tin roof
  
• Old age – a man so old, so old, he no longer has spermatozoa – he has spermatossaurus
  
• Organization – to eat an alphabet soup and to expel it in alphabetical order
  
• Ouch – to slide down a banister made of razor blades and to land in a pool of iodine
  
• Patience – to put a turd in a birdcage and wait for it to start singing
  
• Providence – to be run over by an ambulance
  
• Rebels – lives alone and runs away from home
  
• Secrecy – I ain’t tellin’
  
• Self-importance – to sign one’s anonymous letters
  
• Slowness – to do a race by yourself and to finish second
  
• Speed – to run around a table and catch yourself
  
• Strength – to bend a corner
  
• Stupidity – a guy calls another guy to ask him for his phone number
  
• Tallness – a guy so tall, so tall, he had to climb a ladder so he could knot his tie
  
• Thinness – a man so thin, so thin, he could walk in the rain without getting wet
  
• Top of the tops – a guy standing on top of Mount Everest wearing a top-hat

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