ended up in high school, being suspended for telling a drunken teacher he was an idiot, and beneath my contempt for his butchery of William Shakespeare.

Dealing With The Gifted Child


I think every parents secret dream is to have a baby genius! We fondly imagine highly intellectual discussion, or praise from teachers and friends. Our "dream" child would be mature loving and responsible. Well... too often the reality for parents of gifted children is vastly different from anything we could imagine.

Here is an all too typical scenario. You are called again, for a 3rd conference on little Bobby's behavior. The teacher tells you Bobby is disruptive and inattentive, and always tries to do things "his" way, not hers. On top of everything else he is failing key subjects. You counter with the observation, that at home Bobby is bright, curious and inquisitive, and when challenged, rises to the occasion, with intense focus and study. The teacher is recommending a school guidance evaluation for ADD or other "emotional" problems.


Does Bobby have ADD or other problems? No. After testing Bobby on a variety of scales, it turns out he is considered highly gifted, way above the national norms. Are these types of scenarios always handled so easily? No. In most cases, parents will take the teacher's word as gospel and assume their child is troubled by whatever current alphabet buzzword has been floating around.

Other gifted children are often dreamy, abstracted and appear inattentive to their surroundings. They are forgetful and get accused of being irresponsible. I was considered this type of child, and suffered mightily for my long periods of abstractedness. My father taught me to read at the age of 3, so he had a good idea of what the problem was. At 7, he had me take an IQ test through the school. I tested at 145, and was reading at a 12th grade level. My dreaminess was my way of considering how the universe worked, the nature of good and evil, why the sky was blue and more. Normal schoolwork was intensely boring to me, so I simply wandered off into more interesting realms, something I still do today.


Too many children though get lost in the system, and no one recognizes their unique gifts until much later in their academic life. Parents themselves are not able to recognize the exceptional minds behind the annoying behaviors. So, these children end up being labelled "problem" students. How can a parent recognize the signs of high intelligence? There are certain hallmarks that stand out:

Inquisitiveness: Wanting to know how things work, and attempting to constuct things, often very successfully.

Curiosity; Asking questions beyond a childs biological age.

Logic; The child may present the critical, logical thinking skills of a much older child.

Language: The child may evince a clear set of reading and spelling skills, exceeding his/her developmental age.

Specific Talent: This is rare, but of course the most publicized hallmark: a specific child prodigy talent: musical, mathematical or scientific.



These are the usual signs of as gifted child. These children need a rich and stimulating academic resource both at home and school. Yet they also need to be treated as the children they truly are. I think for parents, this perhaps is the most difficult aspect of dealing with the highly intelligent child. It is hard to draw the line between providing them all the support their bright young minds need, and allowing them to be "just kids". I can remember, receiving the Journal of American Medicine as a gift from a neighboring doctor for Christmas. Of having quizzes on what are the signs of impending peritonal perforation, or how do we ascertain true appendictis from other GI problems. I was treated like a bright toy, to be trotted out for display, and Q &A sessions. In 4th grade after being re-tested, and the numbers had climbed over 172, I began getting angry and rebellious. I went from an A+ average down to D's, so I could secretly enjoy the dismay I saw all around me.


I ended up in high school, being suspended for telling a drunken teacher he was an idiot, and beneath my contempt for his butchery of William Shakespeare. At age 15, I was allowed to leave and go directly to junior college for their gifted program. I never went, having had a bellyful of academics and expectations, I simply taught myself. Too many of us end up this way.


It is a disgrace and a tragedy. If you have a gifted child, please pay attention to my story here. Don't pressure or place your expectations on your children. Let them be children. Their intelligence is THEIRS, not yours. Encourage them, but above all, listen to them. They will guide you with their own needs and hopes. "A mind is a terrible thing to waste"