For all moms on Mother's Day

Just once I'd like to see the television cameras panning across the congressional leaders during a presidential address catch one of the politicians waving and mouthing the words, "Hi, Mom."

That individual could be in the running for president, or at least secretary of state.

We all owe a lot to our mothers, such as our existence. They put up with us kicking, punching, keeping them awake at night, wearing them down during the day ... and that's just during the gestation period. Then we're born and really change their lives.

Just the process of becoming a mother can be a torturous one. At least that's what I've heard women say.
Depending on the circumstances, a woman can see her svelte waistline obliterated in nine months. She retains more water than Bull Shoals Dam. Her feet goes from ballerina size to Bozo size. Her wardrobe changes from the latest fashions to the latest in maternity tents. In some instances, she can go from eating light salads and dainty meals to putting away enough food for a truck stop ... in one sitting.

Don't forget her attitude.
A mother-to-be can develop more personalities than Robin Williams. One minute she's sweet, kind, loving. In a heartbeat, she'll gladly hand you your head with a smile on her face and a wicked gleam in her eye. Husbands know. Some expectant moms can make Norman Bates seem normal.

It's all because of the baby. Like an alien invader, the baby saps the future mom of energy, taps her for nourishment and grows, grows, grows.
Then, as if that's not enough, comes labor. And it's not a union job, either. Women can be in labor for hours and hours trying to give birth. It's something almost all our moms went through to get us here. Carol Burnett supposedly described giving birth by saying it's like pulling your bottom lip out as far as it can go ... then stretching it over the top of your head.

Others get the experience of a C-section, in which the baby is surgically removed. It's a quicker process, but then the mom has the fun experience of simultaneously recovering from surgery and taking care of a new infant.

I fully agree that if it were up to us men to give birth, Earth would have been a barren, desolate planet long ago.

Yes, we put mothers through a lot just getting us here. Then comes the fun she has raising us.

First there's the cute, cuddly stage with all the 2 a.m. feedings, diaper changes, up and down fevers, spitting up and crying. That's followed by the toddler stage in which babies become mobile and must be pursued as they develop their walking and running skills. Initially they're like the balls in a pinball machine, bouncing off everything and running into anything that gets in their way, so its relatively easy to catch them. Then toddlers get their balance and every day's a track meet.

And moms are there to catch them, to kiss the boo-boos and ouchies.
After a while, the toddlers grow into small children and, for a few hours each day, the moms are able to place them in the care of the public school system. There, youngsters compare notes, share observations and learn new ways to torment moms.

And the moms are there to make cookies for snacks, to sew costumes for school programs.

Then comes the best time of all, the teen years. This is when hormones play Ping-Pong with young people's brains, and logic, reasoning and common sense evaporate.

Of course, they're still smarter than their mothers and fathers, who become dumber than rocks during the teen years.

Moms suddenly become the enemy. They watch the teens like guards, they check up on their offspring, they can't leave well enough alone. Moms ask too many questions, such as where are you going, ... who's going with you, ... when will you be home, ... do you need any money.

In the teenage brain, however, all that's heard is asdwerada, ... asdasdasasd, ... ;kljk;lkjera, ... do you need any money.

Teen years are tough times for moms. They worry and fret, they feel unappreciated, they feel ignored except when the offspring want something. But they keep on truckin'. They're there when they're needed.
And the moms are there to console their young ones when they experience their first broken hearts, to cheer their triumphs and urge them onward and upward.

Suddenly the teens are young adults, moving on and starting to make their own ways in the world. Their brains, in most cases, return to normal, although much depends on your definition of normal.

And the moms are there, wondering where the time went. Then everything passes to the next generation, and the cycle begins again with new moms.
But our moms are still there for us, ready to kiss our ouchies, bake us cookies, console us and cheer us on. No matter how old we get, nor how old they become, we're still our moms' little boys and girls.

Hi, Mom.