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Weighting to Exhale - Part 2
by Damaa --   
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Damaa --

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I am struggling to recapture the person I used to be so that I can become the person I want to be.




How I did it before



When I lost weight about three years ago, I changed my diet to a vegan lifestyle and once I started to lose weight I began going to the gym regularly to tighten my body up. It wasn't hard once I got started. I would go into Manhattan just about every day to exercise for an hour or two every day. At first I would rotate between swimming and working out in the gym. Then I started working out in the gym only. I discovered that running on the treadmill burned off a lot of unwanted pounds quickly.
I also drank lots of water. I seemed to have more will power back then and I wasn't tempted to eat things that I knew weren't good for me. Now, I seem to have no will power whatsoever. That is going to come with the spiritual conditioning.

I also had icons that I looked up to and motivated me. Athletes and performers who have nice muscular bodies. Alicia from "Survivor", Donna Richardson (Personal Trainer), and the boxer Laila Ali have gorgeous, muscular, toned bodies that I admire and aspire to attain.


When I worked in the City it was so much easier to control my diet. I would go to a salad bar every day and I was conscious of how much food I ate because I was charged by the pound. I would often get salad and sushi for lunch. When I splurged I would get fish from the Cuban spot. I generally ate healthy and therefore I looked healthier. Even when I couldn't eat a full meal, I could find something healthy to snack on.


What I am Doing Now



I am trying to start from the inside out the way I did before. I have to really put forth the effort to eat better and get motivated to exercise since I am not as young and healthy as I was the last time I lost the weight. I am attempting to get my thoughts together. Over the past two years I had been very unhappy and extremely stressed out. I embraced horrible eating and drinking habits that I've found very different to break.

 

Spiritually I am not in the same place I was when the lost the weight before. I am struggling to recapture the person I used to be so that I can become the person I want to be. I still think that I am a beautiful woman but I am happier with my body when it is healthy and strong. I am not healthy and strong right now and that makes me dissatisfied with myself.

I am trying to move away from processed foods and reincorporate fresh produce back into my diet. I need to make more trips to the supermarket to acheive this goal. I need to start making better choices. Less meat and more vegetables. Less fried foods and more natural foods. Less fast foods and more homemade meals.


Where am I Now?

 

I keep a private online journal of my weight loss failures and successes, struggles and triumphs.  I monitor my weight online by using a tool on SlimFast.com and I try to keep my body moving as much as possible. I am still struggling with drinking water regularly but I know it is a very important tool in reaching my weight loss goal and I am actually better about drinking it than I have been over the years.  I am incorporating more fresh fruit into my diet and starting the day off right with breakfast these days. Healthy Choice  and Lean Cuisine are the perfect way to stay conscious of portion sizes.  If eaten regularly, your body adjusts to eating a healthy portion of food.

 

I also joined a local fitness center for $165 a year and  you can't beat that!  It's not New York Sports Club or anything fancy but it is equipped, has long hours and is close enough to home that I can't excuse myself from going regularly. So far I have lost 18 pounds-slowly and steadily-as well as a number of  inches. I have reached that very important place where I am tired of letting my weight control my life. I am now ready to control my weight.  I am on the road to success and I plan to stay the course this time. 

 

The reality is that no matter how much you value yourself as a plus sized woman, the majority of society doesn't value you in the same way that.  A 15-20 pound weight gain can take a woman from being sexy to being matronly.  How many times we seen the "in shape" woman get the door held open for her and the "big girl" right behind her get it slammed in her face?  On a sitcom it might be funny but in real life it is hurtful.  I often think to myself, 'as big as I am, how can you not see me'?  Some people are like magicians who make the fat girl invisible.  It is quite a trick!

 

In our society, women are still objectified and our weight can be detrimental to our success in life or lead to it.  Humans are visual creatures and we presume that if it looks good, it must be good.  One would hate to fall for the old adage, if you can't beat them then join them, but in this society putting your best foot forward means that it is donned in a sexy shoe with a shapely leg attached to it.

 

 

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Web Site: Confessions of a Fat Admirer


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Reviewed by Sandra Mushi
Reviewed on August 13, 2005
Good luck, Blackberry! I wish I had your will power! and my schedule has been so tight of late! " ... I am struggling to recapture the person I used to be so that I can become the person I want to be ..." powerful statement.

God bless,

Sandie.

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