Let Sarah Palin's kid and John Edwards poke whoever they want. It's none of our business.

Years ago it used to take some work to become a moron.

You could study hard, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on college, get advanced degrees, become a sports announcer and show off all that expensive knowledge by telling the world, “If they’re going to win this game, they’re going to have to score some points!”

Or you could run for public office, numb us with some cheap cliché like, “When I get in office I’m going move this (city, state country) forward to a bright new future!” and tell us how you’ll improve our lives by confiscating all our money and giving it to someone else.

You could even study for the clergy and scold the flock constantly for having fun, eyeing one another at services, and then, depending on your sexual orientation, poke one of the congregation’s babes, hunks or children.

Not so today, though. Now, all you need do to be a moron is become a member of the news media and blogosphere. Then you can ask politicians and public officials questions that are none of your damned business and try to invade their privacy like the stupid stinking moron you are.

The jerks in the media and blogosphere were at their moronic best this past week, panting and drooling, and demanding to know of Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin why her 17-year-old unmarried daughter was pregnant.

Besides wanting to know something that was none of their business, the fools showed their enormous stupidity. If they can’t figure out why Palin’s daughter is plump with child, I’ll tell them:

She and her boyfriend had sex! Unprotected sex! And hopefully sex that included oils, rock-hard members, moist orifices, vibrating devices and at least a dozen different positions. And let’s hope that afterwards they were, well, spent.

But what they did, when they did it and how they did it is none of the media’s or anyone else’s business. The morons should shut up and stop asking questions that have nothing to do with presidential politics and are about things that are always private and personal and that under no circumstances are anyone’s business but the couple and their immediate family members.

The same thing happened with John Edwards. He poked some campaign worker. She, by all accounts, loved it (and him) and now she’s got a kid.

Ah, but who’s child is it, the crazed media members want to know? Is it Edwards’ kid? And what about the guy’s poor, cancer-stricken wife? How could he have cheated on her?

I don’t know why Edwards soiled up the sheets with the babe, and I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business.

I do know that these matters are complex and intensely personal.

People marry for crazy reasons, and often not for love. Sometimes they just don’t want to be alone, or they think that if they don’t get hitched now they never will. Some novices are smitten by a few outings of whoopee and want to lock in the opportunity, and the only way they know how is to utter the sorry words, “I do.” Some misguided souls even latch onto people who resemble and act like their parents.

Often people do marry for love. Sometimes, though, that love fades, or it evolves. Marriages do go bad—for a million different reasons. Why and how they do is no one’s business but the people involved.

And, believe it or not, there are all kinds of people who believe that—shudder and cross yourselves—humans are not naturally monogamous.

The shocked reporters have wondered why Palin and her husband didn’t know that their 17-year-old daughter was doing it with her guy friend.

That’s easy. The kids didn’t tell them.

Why would they? They’d just get yelled at and locked in the basement, attic or a closet.

When you were 17 did you go to your parents and say, “I’m going out to get drunk, and hopefully get Sally, Suzy, Mary, Candy, Cindy, Kristen, Angela, Bonnie, Cheryl, Carol, Heather, Sage, Theresa, Amber, Denise, Deanna, Sophie, Frances, Aspen, and Deborah drunk too so I can get them in bed all at once, and afterwards, I will be thoroughly and gloriously spent!”

Sheeeiiit. No one does that.

Parents don’t know everything their kids do, nor should they.

So the moronic media types and bloggers should lay off Palin and her kid, as well as Edwards and the goofy babe he pounded. It’s none of their business.

If they persist in invading peoples’ privacy, we should get their phone numbers and start shouting questions at them about who they’ve poked or cheated on, and what kind of wild, steamy, kinky sex they’ve had recently.

Knowing these morons, though, there probably wouldn’t be any stories there.