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Blogs by Hilary Reddy LiDestri
All the Good Ones are Taken ... Or Divorced? 6/1/2010 6:02:51 PM
In response to an anonymous email I received last night ...
His complaint is-- all the women who are "attracted" to him are either married, separated or recently divorced. He is wondering if it is a scent he is throwing off. He did impart some critical information which will allow me to elucidate. People have long told him he was gregarious, charming and funny and he is admittedly a Quixotic romantic. Wow, what a lethal combination for a woman stagnating in a marriage, newly out of a stagnant marriage or DONE with a stagnant marriage.
Think about it- cheating is more a "symptom" of a problem in the marriage than it is a function of desire or anything else. What is considered "cheating" or "inappropriate" is the new hot debate. Just like what now determines whether you are a virgin or what is considered "sex". The myth of marriage is centered around the concept you should never again be attracted (deeply) to another person- emotionally, intellectually or physically. Further, once you marry, in theory, you will never have sex with another person again. Hmmm. That is a lot to swallow, when you break it down. Imagine being twenty and getting married. Is it really sustainable not to be attracted in any way to another person until you die? Perhaps for some.
We are all guilty of looking at grandparents and parents who have weathered the tempest of marriage for forty, fifty, sixty and even seventy years- but I bet if you could sit down with them, get them hammered, you'd learn a few things about marriage and the reality of it. After all, didn't you see Bridges of Madison Country? Perfect wife and mother reveals her true longing through letters after she is dead. This movie alone could destroy my reputation as a Guy's Girl and frankly, I was under duress at the time of viewing- too drunk to care- my gay room mate and I snuggled together- him bawling, me cynical (ok- a bit of hyperbole- I may have shed a tear).
So, to my anonymous emailer ... the women who are drawn to you are so because you are satisfying something missing in their marriage or that was missing in their marriage- you are being viewed largely as someone who can "entertain" them, fulfill them in some way and either not "threaten" their marriage (after all, what is a little harmless flirting?) or, you seem emotionally safe for a women who just exited a marriage. You are playful and fun and charming. If this is all you want, you have picked the right audience- but if you are looking for a "deeper" relationship, you might steer clear of this set as they might need some time to heal and get to know themselves again before jumping into another relationship.
For you- be honest with yourself regarding what you "want". Too many people spend too much time talking and thinking about what they "DON'T" want. If you want a girl who watches sports (because they love sports- not because they are spying on the guys), drinks beer, knows who Dan Patrick is (and cares) and isn't opposed to seeing the occasional Mafia movie- you need a Clever Girl. They are out there- there are about to be more than you know what to do with- so in the meantime- stay Charming and Chivalrous, the world needs you.
