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Ride or Die Friends...or should I say the lack of. 3/28/2015 12:16:41 PM
My Cray-cray senior blog.... “Ride or Die” Friends
Or the lack of!
Today, as I was lying on my bed trying to convince myself to first get up, take a shower and wash my hair but I don't have the desire to do so. I then realized that if my disabled husband called out to me, I would instantly have the energy to take care of his needs. However, my own needs have been a big internal struggle lately. Don’t get me wrong, I wash up either in the mornings or before I go to bed. But stepping my feet over that tub now cause a mental dilemma. It's not the bathing that gets me, but all of the bathing, moisturizing, conditioning of hair, cleaning of the tub that gets me. If I just shower and just get in bed, I wake up with this only what can be described as alligator skin is all over my body, my hair is hard as tumbleweed and the bathroom, forget it! I have always heard that caregivers have to consciously remember to take care of themselves and for the most part I do just that. I take my vitamins, keep my hair intact, I lose 50 pounds, and now I am starting to write again as you can see now.
I finally got up, made it to the tub, when something made me look down at my feet and see that I am in desperate need of a pedicure. My toenails have grown wild and scary. I have been waiting for weeks for my oldest daughter to find the time to go with me (Hate going alone!). To me, this is one of the types of situations when a girl needs a Ride or Die friend that she can call and say “Girl, it’s time... My toe nails are curling!” And she would just say two words, “Who’s driving?” whether she needed her nails done or not. The company and she know that I hate going alone; she would be there for me. If she was busy, she would say “I am doing something right now, but let do this on WHATEVER day and time!" Cool, I got a partner to roll! That’s what my life is missing right now. A small group of female energy that would compel and motivate me. Yeah, the voice on the end of the phone that tells me to get my butt up and shower. Then someone would be by to pick me up to do some girl-bonding type stuff. I don’t really have that. (You don't know what is missing until you miss it… or so they say!) Who is the all mighty “THEY” anyway? Never mind, I digress.
Recently, my husband and I went to lunch at the Olive Gardens and we passed a table full of boomers, my age, all dressed up and chatting away as they ate. After lunch, I watched them tally up the bill and immediately bring out their pocket calendars and made plans for the next meet up. Then for the first time in my 63 years on earth the reality of having no female cliché that I can call on for girly things. I remembered my 50th birthday party that I threw for myself and got a limo to drive us around and I ended up with one friend and a limo full of relatives. Sad but true! It must be a karma-tic wrinkle from a past life. "Sigh!"
For the first time in my 63 years on this God given earth the reality of having no Gal Pal back up so that I can call on for girly things start to eat away at my soul. Since I moved to the Chambersburg area I met my new BFF who is an ex-military vet and not much of a girly girl, but otherwise she is definitely a “Ride or Die” friend in any other case. She will call at least once a month at least to get me out of the house for a couple of hours so I arrange for someone to be with my disabled husband, just in case. Usually, we drive around the MD, VA, WV, PA area and go to all of the different stores and then get something to eat. We also go to Bead conventions (she is a jewelry teacher and designer), I went for the already made bracelets or rings. (I guess that can be considered girly!)
Don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a great resource for finding friends and stay in touch with family. But when someone or family gets ill, my list of buddies fades away. I am not native to this area of Chambersburg, PA, where I live currently. I have worked and met other females, but for some reason or another, nothing changed into a real friendship except for the Ex-Military bud and another friend Linda who recently relocated. Heaven forbid if something was to happen to me… Outside my Rambo-like friend, who would be there for me?
I feel like I need to let you know that I have always had “Couple of real friends”. I never was part of a group because I never had the follower mentally. However, as you get older the group of females (Ride or Die), should be in place to be there if for nothing but moral support. As a result, I just realize that I have never had that “female bond” for one reason or another. My two daughters have strong “Ride or Die” girlfriend support. My youngest cliché meets often for dinner and drinks at someone’s home or a restaurant. Facebook is filled with pictures of their smiling faces as they gather for no reason but just to be together. The ages of the group vary, but they all have one thing in common, they all attend the same house of worship. My oldest daughter’s cliché meets less of the because of location, but at least every 6 months there is some form of connection on the phone or internet and a reason to make the hour and a half drive to Maryland and party.
Maybe it’s my fault because I am not much of a telephone talker. My weekly call to my 83 year old mother is about all that I can handle. I hate phone calls about nothing but idle chit chat. I have an old BFF that still lives in Chicago and we talk ever so often but that’s it.
There are a few lost connections that I felt a kindred soul connection the moment we met, when I moved to the east coast. Though, for one reason or another bond was broken and now leaving a faint hint of friendship holds us together again via the internet. But alas, still no “Ride or Die” gal pals. Oh well, at 63 maybe I should not want or expect more. Maybe my Rambo BFF takes up the empty spaces of all of the others. And I need to be good with that.
