Brittany Renée, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Blogs by Brittany Renée
Frenzy of Agony I 9/8/2003 8:02:35 AM
I don't know what to categorise these things in so I put them in the 'BLOG' because they are not poetry and they are not stories. Nor are they real feelings. I just like manipulating words into a frenzy of internal agony and the fight between the external world and internal worlds. It's my newest endeavour in my writing 'walk'. So please... if you could help me categorise this or help me, I'd be much appreciative of feed back as to what I can do with this other that just randomly writing it and posting it wherever 'Miscellaneous' lies. Thanks!
My heart is beating so slow my body's getting cold and my eyes are becoming numb to the clock that I watch just in case he might come back and my mind keeps shouting these nasty words that I know are absurd because he's been so good to me, yet why can't I feel his harmonious remedy?
There used to be an abyss where my body once lied and the air was actually adapted to my body in such a way that I had a soft place there, comfortably. But the comfort was that of claws and anger fighting to get at me first, and that comfort was only knowing that something wanted me more than I wanted to be gone. Darkness encompassed me all around but the best thing was that I was in a hole, a rut and that meant there were no roads to have to choose from... there was only one road and I was destined for it because I was already falling. That's what made it comfortable.
I'm eternally damned to a life of loneliness and stress. A continual fatigue of frustration and wonderment will caress my life and linger helplessly as I find happiness, to only stab me again. Currently I'm being stabbed in the heart, and at the same time seduced into a luxury of pleasure, beauty, love and lies. Realms of torture pass me by, one by one they chuck their worst weapons at me and yet my body is numb to their pain because I've been stabbed by the worst weapon ever concocted: loneliness.
If you're there for me, then why aren't you? Or do you just send to me your words that are full of promises as you cross your fingers and cross your ties? Do you enjoy knowing that I'm sitting here waiting for you as I let the day grow old and my heart die young? My words linger in the air as you walk away, promising once more that you'll return. You scare me and return only when it's the last second, like some dramatic play when the evil guy never really dies but he lives for ever. Running through my vains is an unvirgined poison that seeps through my skin and pours out of me unvoluntarily into a puddle that turns into that abyss I once fell in. It's back.
With each passing moment that I feel more lonely, the darkness grows warmer on my cold body and I sit here embracing it's warmth as the chill upsets me still. My thoughts pound harder to make a consecutive beat in my head continually play. But I still miss you. You've done nothing to open the door I once locked to darkness, and yet somehow I think you let your shadow unluck the door... because you were curious about me. Little did you know that I'm deeper than you thought. My life has been tormented by bruised shadows who will never die so they haunt me for ever to condemn me.
Your sweetness has glossed over this once tarnished ice and now the gloss is withering away because you haven't flourished me yet with my new stock. I'm being penetrated by your shadow, but seduced by your flesh. Which of them is loyal? Which of them is true? .... which of them wishes for me to go back to my familiar abyss?
More Blogs by Brittany Renée • The Truth - Saturday, November 15, 2003 • Frenzy of Agony I - Monday, September 8, 2003 • Using the Past to Make the Future - Monday, August 18, 2003 • Proper Poetry - Monday, June 30, 2003
