Out of the blue a crisis hits and you can't think straight, don't know where to turn, and panic is setting in. What do you do?

For anyone who has ever had this experience - and that's probably almost everyone - someone who's been there can be a port in the storm. Never mind if the situation or circumstances were different. Just having someone take you by the hand and stay with you is a blessing. Knowing that they've faced a crisis and survived delivers a sense of hope and reassurance. When there is a death of someone close, it may be awhile before you get your bearings and can make a clear decision. That support will keep you afloat while you contact family, talk to professionals, and wade through the many details that demand time and attention.

In the grief and death field, there is a long list of people who can help, including friends, therapists, groups, medical staff, and spiritual leaders. But if you're lucky enough to know someone who has had a similar trauma in their life, even if it's not identical, that's the one I would call first.

What can this person do for you? A first response would be to listen, to stay close, take some notes, make suggestions but not decisions, and look to your need for understanding what is happening. This person would also check that you're eating, sleeping, and spending time alone processing your loss.

When that crisis hits out of the blue, think about people you know who might fit this category. It may not be a close family member or friend. But it can't hurt to ask for help, and true comfort and support may be in short supply. It often comes from unexpected places.

Judy