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Blogs by Margena Adams Holmes
Major writer's block 3/22/2006 8:18:38 PM
So, I’m sitting here at my computer, like I do everyday, trying to get “in the mood”—for writing, that is. I have five pages written on a new novel, and have had those same five pages for three months now. I stopped writing around Christmas, because there was so much to do, and I never went back. I just cannot sit down and write anymore! I feel like I’ve lost it. I cannot seem to even focus on what I’m supposed to be writing, and if I do have anything to add, I have no time to do it. How did I ever write two novels, at over 300 pages? It seems that there’s always something to do now. Laundry, running errands, taking care of sick family, grocery shopping, therapy, being a taxi service for my daughter. I don’t know how J K Rowling does it, writing well over 700 pages with each book, and having to take care of her kids. I supposed she’s got a nanny to help her out.
Having obsessive-compulsive disorder doesn’t help much, either. I tend to get obsessed with message boards, though I have been doing much better lately, mainly because there hasn’t been much new on there, and that’s fine, because my husband would think that I spend all day on the message boards, anyway. I tend to procrastinate, too, and I leave things to get done around the house until it’s at a critical level and I go into a frenzy of cleaning and organizing.
Maybe my writing was just a fluke. Maybe I’m not really meant to be a writer. Sure, people who have read my first book say it’s good and like it. But after going to the Writer’s Conference back in October, I learned so much, and I’ve revised On the Line, and have reworked Dark Harmony as well, and I think they are so much better. I feel like I’m biding my time, however, until the next conference, which won’t be until October again. I had set aside a whole year to do the revisions, but I just don’t know what else to do with them anymore. Maybe I will if I go back to them. Maybe that’s why I can’t write anymore on my third one, as yet untitled. I want to wait and see what the first two do, then I can get going with this third one. I want to get an agent and have them get a real publisher for On the Line. I want to see this book as a movie, but no one will even give me the time of day unless I have an agent. But I can’t get an agent unless I have someone recommend me to them, or I get one at the conference. By the way, when On the Line is published by a traditional publisher, I plan to give a copy to everyone who has either bought or was given a copy of the earlier version.
What I need to do is maybe start relaxing before I write. Sit for a few minutes and not try to do anything. Just let it flow through me, then go and see what I can write about. I think I have good stories, but then I’m sure every writer thinks that, every artist thinks, “This is it!” I will say there are some good bits in there, and I did get much better just by attending the conference and talking to people there. After my walk in the mornings, I should come in and close my eyes, breathe deeply, and not think. Get focused on the day. Then maybe I can get something done.
But for right now, I’m going to finish my watermelon martini, and not worry about it. If I have time before bed, I will go and maybe just check out On the Line or Dark Harmony, and see if there is anything that needs to be added. Work on something that already has a solid story.
