I Fought the War (Too many times - and the last one nearly stomped my broken ass deep into the ground)
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze into thee." - Frederic Nietzsche
Days ago, it occurred to me that perhaps I was becoming a monster. I had come to believe that justice and revenge were essentially the same thing. The courts are supposed to bring about justice, and fail. I think that the prospect of forgiving, instead of seeking vengeance or at least apologies and compensation, would be impossible for me. The balancing of the scales is what I live for. And I've been gazing into that abyss so long, focusing on ignorance, incompetence, and inequity, it seems that my whole self has become a void. I don’t want to fight like my enemies, but I’m constantly exposed to their bullying, entrapping, and demeaning methods, and my instincts are to retaliate in order to feel better. I’ve long believed that acting as a wolf, not a dog, was the way to reverse the scales in favor of good over evil. I’ve resorted to unethical measures to obtain my fair share. But I don't want to become the monster they are. During the last tragic battle, I would have loved to go postal, but had too much to lose. I'm glad I remembered some of Nietzsche's words. But now how do I change my perspective - and to what? Finding good people (who genuinely care rather than those who just like to pretend to) has been a motivator. Hearing some sense from those who understand me has made an impact. The few who empathize, and agree with my point of view, have affected me the most.
Does anyone else relate, in any way, to Neitzche's words?
