“YOU NEVER KNOW”

 

By Myra Wexler Darwish

November 8, 2013

You just never know what life has in store for you – one moment you’re up and mobile, and the next you find yourself tripping off an uneven pavement and posed ungracefully on a downtown Philadelphia street. Such are the ups and down of life, and the focus of my story. 

  I had flown in one day earlier to Philadelphia from my home in Florida that early October day, looking forward to a seventieth birthday reunion with my fellow classmates from the Philadelphia High School for Girls. I was proud and upbeat in the knowledge that I was to meet with friends that I hadn’t seen in over fifty-plus years. So upbeat was I both mentally and physically that my usual safety aware self was probably taking a late afternoon nap! As a friend and I were walking to a restaurant, down I went as I stepped off a curb. It’s an old story… “Be sure to watch out for uneven pavements,” yes, that works well if you’re on a tour and hear it repeated several times over – but that wasn’t my case at all. Several patrons who were sitting at a nearby café came to my aid and helped me up from my disadvantaged position. Philadelphia is known as the “City of brotherly love,” and those kind individuals certainly proved the point. Thank you for caring about my dignity!

I recall some of the first thoughts that ran through my head as I was artfully being assisted up from the street, “No way could this be happening to me,” and the perennial, “I’m o.k.” I can laugh now, but at the time I protected myself by being in a blissful state of denial, which was designed to protect me from the reality of the event. I trudged on like a good soldier, heading toward the restaurant of our choice. Denial stayed with me throughout dinner, every wiggle of my left foot caused discomfort, though I interpreted it as, “It will get better.” The walk back to the hotel, only two blocks away, took time due to the slowness of my gait, and yes, the same denial-oriented internal dialogue ensued. 

We made it back to the hotel, and met with a small group around 8:00 PM to jump-start our weekend; it was then I found the denial to be most helpful. Sitting around that rather large round table were the women of the great 200th class of 1961, and I wasn’t going to miss any of the stories that we shared! This wasn’t about me; it was about a special moment in time when women with a common experience came together to talk about their lives, loves, and accomplishments. I looked around the table at their faces, “Why they looked a lot like me,” I heard myself say with a smile, a tad bit weathered with the years, but confident in their demeanor and rich in their life experiences. I felt at home!

That night my sleep was disturbed, my foot started swelling, and by the morning, I came to the realization that I needed a cane or the weekend was going to be a total loss. I called my husband and told him the news…my voice was cracking as I spoke, “I’m going to tough it out, and will call the airline to get special assistance…” “I want to be home when I officially activate my care.” The denial had pretty much lifted by that time, and I knew that I had options – stay and visit with friends and my daughter and granddaughter who were coming so we could celebrate a 17th birthday, or sit for hours in a busy downtown hospital, get diagnosed, and deal with a possible cast, and become a patient, which is a role that I am not typically well suited to. I took my chances with a cane and a foot wrap that my dear friend bought for me from a local pharmacy. 

The weekend tested my strength and resolve. I was able to function with the cane and a well-wrapped foot; I also took an anti-inflammatory over-the-counter medication that kept my pain level in decent control. I celebrated being able to do what I had looked forward to doing, and the camaraderie with old friends and family was wonderful. 

Upon my return home, my foot was X-rayed at the ER, and the result proved to be positive for what is known as a dreaded “Jones” fracture of the fifth metatarsal. I researched carefully and found that this type of fracture was typically very difficult to heal, due to the compromised blood flow in the area. The doctor I saw the next day gave me the option of surgery, which given the serious nature of the break was what I chose to have done. I believe I made a very wise choice for myself. 

I am currently recovering very well, three weeks after the surgical procedure; in fact I am able to have full weight bearing on my foot, though I must wear a protective boot when I go outside. As a holistic nurse who has touted the benefits of an integrative approach to health care most of my career, I believe I was able to model how to combine Eastern and Western modalities: surgery, which consisted of an open reduction and internal fixation of the fifth metatarsal; elevation and icing of my foot per doctor’s orders; an almost total plant-based diet; adequate hydration; therapeutic touch; meditation; appropriate vitamins for healing; lots and lots of rest; inviting hugs and support from family and friends; and creating a low-key and calming environment have truly worked. 

It’s been a little over a month since my sudden fall, and I am just beginning to have the energy to process what the experience has meant. If I were to come up with some words to describe what the experience has been like for me, the following would work rather well: challenging, potentially life changing, re-aligning, and strengthening. 

I typically sort out the events in my life based on the colored lenses of my choice: the livid experience itself, symbolic astrology at the time of the occurrence, and a working knowledge of the general patterns in my life that have unfolded over the past seventy years. The object of the sorting out has always been – what can I learn about myself that can be integrated into my personal evolvement? 

I have shared some of the livid experience, staying strong despite adversity and completing what I started out doing. What I left out was the gnawing fear that I wouldn’t ever be able to run again, which I do as an exercise several times a week, and the concern that I wouldn’t have the strength to manage crutches, which typically goes along with a non-weight bearing status. Fear can take on a life of its own, and when I was alone with my thoughts I had to work very hard to move myself past any negativity that crept in. 

I do know from the experience that my sudden fall was destabilizing, a descent into possible chaos, or a breaking up of the current order.  How could the event not be, given the foot is representative of our ability to stand upright so that our physical structure remains stable? I had experienced in essence, a change in the structure of my daily life via the fall, and it happened very suddenly and unexpectedly. In astrology, the planet Uranus symbolizes a sudden change; the planet Saturn symbolizes structure. On the evening of October 3, 2013 transiting Uranus was in strong sextile to my natal Saturn at 0.2 degrees at 06:30 00 PM EST in Philadelphia, which was a compelling validation of astrology’s symbolic nature. A structural change did indeed suddenly happen, and I dealt with the event based on the myriad of choices I have made over a lifetime. Chaos was never really an option!

When I examine the patterns I have co-created over the years, rolling my sleeves up and working toward a positive outcome have always been embedded in anything I have ever done. I have remained true to myself these past weeks by moving myself forward in a confident way, and listening to my self-talk, which I always tried to tilt to a more positive framework. “This won’t be forever,” I heard myself saying, along with, “Keep it up.” Both statements have kept me on track. I am now in the very early stages of integrating the experience, but I do suspect that after my pondering is completed; I will learn something new about myself that will enhance my awareness of this life I am living. You never know!

 MWD: 11/8/13