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Book Excerpt from Aloha Self-Esteem 5/22/2014 4:43:04 AM
I didn’t believe that a guy...ANY guy...would have any sort of interest in me other than to just be friends. I used to brush off a guy if he asked me for my number or asked to hang out with me. Who would like ME, of all people, with all the drop dead gorgeous girls in South Florida? What would a guy ever see in me? I was just....JEN.
But things were different now because I knew that Justin liked me. What changed you ask? What made me see the light? Ah...it finally hit me. It had nothing to do with guys and what they said or how they acted. It had to do with me and me only.
I could tell now whether a guy liked me or not because I was becoming more confident and self-assured. I started to believe in myself. I didn’t doubt who I was anymore. That’s why! So now, for instance, if a guy said he thought I was pretty, I wouldn’t question or downplay it, I would accept the compliment, smile and say thank you.
Hmm...what a difference a few weeks make! Knowing that I could just be myself around Justin, that I could be myself around anybody and actually learn to like myself in the process, totally changed the way I interacted with the boy I had a huge crush on.
The next day Justin met up with me and a few of my friends just before school started to help us spread the news about the no makeup event. What a way to start my day...bright smile, cute dimples, and gorgeous green eyes that seemed to penetrate my soul...ahhhh...but the best part? He gave me a kiss! Calm down, People. It was only on the cheek. Justin is a true gentleman, remember?
RIIIIINGG!! Dammit bell!! Dammit to hell and back, Sound Effects Guy!! I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY?!? And with that, we parted to our separate homerooms. Well, I thought, at least I would get to see him later that night. Cue nerves kicking in, yet again…now cue assertions, followed by deep breathing exercises. I’m learning, People! I am learning!
I made sure I got permission from the principal to do the event at school and to pass out flyers to all of the students. Support came also from our teachers, who offered to pass out flyers in their classrooms. This was turning out much better than I had anticipated. Everything was starting to fall into place.
Most of the girls from my sophomore class had already joined the JI group and promised not to wear makeup on Tuesday. The newspaper would place an article about the event on their front page on Monday, and flyers were being handed out, not only by girls in my class, but by boys as well.
When Ariana told me that the editor of the school newspaper wanted to interview me for the article, I started to hyperventilate...EEK!! I miraculously calmed down once I started saying my assertions and engaged in my deep breathing...for the second time that day, I might add.
The school day went by fast with lots of chatter and activity revolving around the upcoming event. The interview for the school newspaper went well enough...er...so I thought. I sounded reasonably articulate and was happy with how it turned out.
When I got home, I told Mom about the event. “Oh, Jennifer,” she said. “That’s such a great idea! Even women my age can learn from this!”
“Thanks, Mom, but it wasn’t my idea to begin with,” I said. I told her about the article I had read. “I thought it would be a great idea to start it at our school as well. I hope it spreads to other schools in our area too. I’m making it sound like some type of disease or something,” I said laughing.
“Well honey, whether it was your idea or not is not really the point. The point is that you’re making it happen at your school. This no makeup thing is something that all women, young or old, could relate to. It would be amazing if it became a nationwide event, not just in high schools, but in the workplace also. It’s about time we stand up to our society’s ridiculous standards of beauty!”
“Amen, my sistah!” I said, giving her a high five.
Mom laughed and said, “It only takes one person to make a difference and you are that one person to start it at your school. Be proud of yourself for that, baby.”
“Aw thanks, Mom.”
“So...my very mature 15 almost 16 year old young woman, don’t you have a date tonight with a certain Justin?”
“Oh my god!! I almost forgot! What is wrong with me? Okay, I’m NOT going to freak out about this.”
She laughed again.
“No, Mom. I honestly think I’m okay! I am nervous though, but I’m not at my regular high intensity level freak out nervous.”
“Well I can see that, hun, but just so you know, it’s absolutely normal to be a little nervous about a date, especially since it’s only the second time you’ll be going out with him.”
“Well that’s good to know,” I replied. I started to get even more nervous about being somewhat nervous before.
At that exact same time, DING!! a text. How does he do that? It must be his psychic training kicking in.
“Let me guess. That’s Justin?” she asked with a huge smile on her face.
“Mmhmm,” I said blushing yet again.
Being the good Mom that she was, she didn’t want to pry too much and gave me some privacy.
TEXT B4 THE REAL DATE:
Justin: Hey, just checking to see if we R still on for our date tonight. Pick U up at 8, right? We can get a bite to eat N see the movie after. Sound good?
Me: Sounds like a plan, Stan! :)
Justin: Uh this is Justin! Who is this Stan u speak of!?! ;) I say text him to cancel cuz Ur going out with me tonight! :)
Me: LOL!! Sorry I get all my men mixed up. Ur name is Justin, right? I must remember that. I’ll ditch Stan n go out with u instead. U seem like more fun anyway! C u later! :)
Justin: Will text when I’m on my way. L8er! :)
Me: OK.
I had a couple of hours to kill before the big date. To forego any more panic that might arise from within, I distracted myself by hanging out with my little sister. When I finally looked at the time, I had only about half an hour to get ready.
Trying not to let the panic emerge from that deep, dark place, I took a quick but cool and calming shower, and put on my robe. Next on the agenda...choosing an outfit. What the HELL was I going to wear? Like every other girl out there on the planet going out on a date with a hot guy, I wanted to try on a few options, but alas, time was not in my favor. “Oh god!! I only have fifteen minutes left to get ready!” I thought to myself when I looked at the clock. The only choice possible at that particular point in time was the following cry for help:
”MOM!! HELP ME!”
Enter Mom, stage left...to the rescue! The ensemble was chosen!
And now…Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you the final and fiercest outfit for the hot date with the hot guy, which was chosen in under five very intense minutes: A green sleeveless top matched with a pair of white skinny jeans, a neutral beige cardigan, just in case I got cold in the movie theater, that was Mom’s overprotection kicking in, and a cute pair of high heels to match my sweater.
Accessories: a beige clutch purse, long gold colored chandelier earrings, a gold cuff bracelet and a green and gold shimmery round cocktail ring. Makeup: light shimmery gold eye shadow, blush, bronzer and pink lip gloss. I wore my hair like I usually did: down and wavy.
“You look radiant! Simply beautiful!”
“Oh please, Mom,” I said rolling my eyes. I had digressed. What happened to that girl who said she would accept a compliment and say thank you? Obviously, I was still a work in progress.
“No really, honey, you do. I can’t explain it any better than that. I don’t just mean the way you look, but there’s something about you that just...that just... shines! Every day I become more and more proud of you! You are growing up so fast into this beautiful young woman I see before me,” said Mom with tears in her eyes.
“Good god, Mom! You’re acting as if I’m going to prom or something!” I exclaimed.
“I am?” she laughed. “I’m just proud of you and all the great changes I see in you. You have become so much more confident in yourself, and I can see that shining through. You are my inspiration, my love.”
“Oh Mom please, I’m just me. That’s all. I think you are reading too much into what you see.”
“Maybe I see it more than you do. I’m learning to become more confident in myself because of you and that’s the truth, baby. One thing I’ve learned through my own process of improving my self-esteem is that when someone compliments you, take it for what it is and just say thank you...”
“But...” I interrupted.
“No buts, Jennifer. Say thank you and don’t try to put yourself down in the process. Accept the compliment and believe it to be true, okay?”
“Okay, I know...you’re right.”
“Good, my love,” she replied. “Now I want you to do me a huge favor. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud, ‘I am beautiful!’”
“Why?”
She threw the “Because I said so” line that all Moms use and turned me around to face the full length mirror hanging on my closet door. “Say it, honey.”
“It’s like you and Mel are in cahoots or something!” I said it with absolutely no emotion, “I am beautiful.”
“Jen, say it like you mean it, please!”
“God, Mom! Okay….I am beautiful.”
“Thank you. I hope someday you actually believe it because you truly are,” she said smiling. “Um...what time did you say Justin was supposed to pick you up?”
“At 8.” When I looked at the time, it was 8:05. I grabbed my phone to see if he had texted me.
Turns out I had several messages waiting for my reply:
7:50pm: Mel’s Message: Have fun on your date, Jenny Jen! Remember 2 just be urself! If U need an out cuz it’s sucking, text me and me and my Dad will come pick u up!
7:52pm: Ariana’s Message: Enjoy 2 the fullest! I know u and Justin will have a great time! Text me after the date is over. I want 2 know everything! :)
8:00pm: Justin’s Message: I am leaving my house now. C u in a few!
Just as I finished replying to Mel and Ariana’s texts, the doorbell rang, DING DONG!! Butterflies started forming as my heart rate sped up. I grabbed my purse and sweater and walked to the door with a huge lump in my throat.
