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Fat Ain't Just About the Food 12/3/2006 12:43:58 PM
This is in response to Nordette Adams' FAT BLOG. I read all three parts and settling in to comment, saw the disclaimer. Now, I know you, Nordette. I know that you are a pro when it comes to getting hits for your online venues and I know some of the techniques you use. Perhaps it’s your PR background or just plain web smarts. Still, nominal common sense would tell folks who actually read the post that it wasn’t about Spears’ drawers, so I can only conclude that the disclaimer is aimed at those who would comment without reading the whole thing. Confucius say: “One who jump to conclusion when bungee too long, bumps head.” I don’t think Confucius actually said that, but it works for me.
According to the old body weight scale, I am about 100 pounds overweight. More recent charts are more realistic, and take into consideration ethnic physiological differences. It shows that a woman my age with a large bone structure who is in the neighborhood of 5’ 9” should weigh between 145-168 pounds. In the attached picture, I weighed 175 pounds and my collar bone showed. So, perhaps the 168 isn’t that far off the mark, but the truth is, I was 22 at the time and wearing a size 16 and some 14s. This was the late 70s and I know the 14/16 then is now a 12/14. I am 49 now, and believe I would be quite comfy in the 190-200 pound range. This would put me in today’s size 14/16 (Misses and not Women’s sizes), and I can live with that. I never had trouble getting dates at a chubby 16 in high school, but I’m a lot taller than you, Nordette. Height affects how pounds are perceived. When I tell someone how much I weigh now, they gasp and say, “No way!”
When it comes to masculine attention, despite my fluffiness, I get my share of looks. I know deep down that if I were 50 pounds lighter, I’d get more looks and feel a bit better about donning a swimsuit and heading for the beach. Friday, I ran an errand for my job. We keep a supply of soft drinks and bottled water on hand for clients and catered lunches. It’s easier on the overhead to buy our own instead of pay what the caterers charge per can. As I was moving the case of bottled water and ten 12-packs of drinks from the cart to my trunk in a heavy drizzle, this fellow was admiring my behind. He said hello and grinned from ear to ear. If I were thinner and wearing stillettos, he’d have come over and helped me. I believe that there are men who appreciate a larger woman, but I also believe that the closer she is to “thick” (some extra pounds distributed well: jiggle, but no fat rolls) than she is to “fat” (rolls complete with flab and jiggle verging on the obsene) will weigh heavily (every pun intended) on a man’s desire to be intimate with her. Hence, our obsession with body image. How do we look naked?
Here is where I want to address your comment, “. . . the desire to have people who want us on our own terms in our lives even if it means we won't get who we want . . .” This one got me thinking. There are men who have offering me the moon, and at least two who can deliver it, but I hesitate because other vital and chemical connections are missing and I would be settling if I chose them. There is a fellow that I am really attracted to who, although financially okay, does not earn six figures like the aforementioned suitors. I seem to be holding out for him, but he does not appear to be anxious to enter anything relationship-like. We do, however have a mental connection that is quite fulfilling.
Finding a man who accepts us as we are means that he likes how we look in our mental lingerie. Having that kind of connection can overcome a few pounds. Without it, I may not be as attracted to you regardless of how many expensive cars and homes you have or whether or not you can actually get that 2 ct. total weight princess cut diamond with baguettes that I expect to wear as the badge of our undying love.
I think that your comment may have some validity in my case, but let me bring a mascuine point of view. A friend proclaims that research has taught him that most overweight women have an unusually high libido but remain unfulfilled. They tend to medicate that emptiness with food. A good woman that finds her sexual match will likely lose several pounds without focusing on diet or exercise and keep them off provided the fulfillment in the relationship continues. She has no need to seek satisfaction outside of her love for him. I resemble his theory, but that’s another blog.
He has advised male friends who complained of their wives gaining weight that an increase in the attention and satisfaction ratio from them would make the problem go away. Laughing, he explained that the common response was, “So, you’re saying it’s my fault she got fat?” Yes, asshole!! You spend more time with the freakin’ remote, your hobbies and your jive-azz car than you do with her! You get by with a “slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.” Upon getting yours, you pass out and leave her with the option of masturbation or Edy’s Double Fudge Brownie ice cream.
Don’t get me started. Can you tell this is a sore spot with me? My friend also said that once you determine if you have a hottie or a hog, you know what the potential is and whether you want to pursue it further.
The truth of the matter is that being overweight is about a lot more than just food. All the factors you mention—stress, past experience, self-image, genes, medication, etc—affect our behavior and therefore our weight. Changing the patterns that got us to this meaty plateau isn’t easy. We’ll have to change the way we think to maintain any success at overcoming the pounds—mentally or physically.
