Helloooo out there Internet people! Today I want to talk about change, not small change but big change. Okay, maybe you’ve already noticed lots of changes going on. Has anyone seen unchanging Reality lately? What's up with that, eh? Reality is never around long enough for me to figure it out any more. And some people are saying every thought I think is a fiction. And listen to this: one expert on TV said reality is a myth and the good life is just an advertisement. So maybe we should have more commercials, one every four minutes instead of seven minutes, then everybody can dream of being more better. That's reality for you.

Did anybody see that Hindu guy who was talking about Maya? He said she is the Big Mama of Illusion, and that everything we think is real is really unreal. It looks like he is right. Not only is everything an illusion nowadays, but the Mother Ship is moving along at record speeds. OMG!

I remember the good old days when we worked hard for something that was worthwhile for a long while. Now truth is a greased pig instead of a roasted pig, and everybody is hungry for nothing. How about that? Doesn't anybody remember when truth lasted even longer than good products? You know, when good products lasted a lifetime, guaranteed, and maybe more? We had useful things, like those coats the Eskimos made and handed down for generations. But today people can't seem to wait to use up things in order to get new ones. The same thing goes for things called good ideas. Good ideas are worthless now because they are only good for a minute or two at the most. What's up with that?

Does anyone understand this dumb Internet user? I'm saying the only thing a thing is good for now is something to be replaced by a new thing. Now I'm not very old, but I remember when a person got a hold of some stuff, it was good enough to hang onto it for quite awhile - that's why we never called it stuff back then. Change was a bad thing then, unless by change you meant you had a couple of silver dollars for an evening out on the town. When you went out to the only steak house once every couple of months or so, you expected to get the same kind of red-blooded steak dinner you liked so much a year ago. Success formulas lasted a long time, and inconsistency was a mortal sin in the restaurant business even if you weren't Catholic.

But today you go out to eat, and guess what? The old restaurant is under New Management, and everything you went there for has been changed! The lights are all turned down, the place looks like a funeral parlor; you begin to wonder where the body is - not much of it is on your plate, that's for sure, and you’re lucky if you get 700 calories. I’ll tell you what, you’re being short-changed by change. The New Management is trying to hide what is really going on. Not only does the food server bring out only half the portion you used to get, but it's floating in some disgusting-looking purplish brown sauce. And on top of the meat is - I don't know what to call it - something that looks like a punk hairdo – some kind of garish garnish invented by the Parisian frogs. And now we have to pay for those tall white hats the chef wears when he parades around the restaurant after showing up to fiddle around with recipes, smell the silly sauce and change the menu again so nobody will know what to expect. The baked potato can still be had if you order it on the side - sometimes I think they roll it out on its own cart - painstakingly baked for about five bucks. The potato is smaller too; I think they call the precious puny ones, spudde pettite - they are not for disrespectable tables.

Oh, the waiter is an executive-type now, too good to dish out the food himself, and he has no sense of humor at all. I asked him last night if the cat got the other half of the salmon I ordered – he didn't get the drift of what I was sayin, like, duh. So when I said the portion was pretty small, he said, "Thanks", and proudly told me the whole dinner was 645 calories – he assured me every pretty portion was carefully weighed out to so many ounces, not many ounces at that - as if all that were not highway robbery! Hello! Is anybody out there?

That's not the only change I experienced lately: nothing is sacred. Change is everywhere you go and wherever you stay. I complained about change at the office before I was laid off when my job description was re-described. The kids shook their heads and snickered at my complaint. One young lady said I should learn to welcome change because change is good. She had replaced a middle-aged guy who was complaining about changes; he's been unemployed for 18 months now; she's getting half his pay - maybe the fat cat got the other half.

By the way, does anyone ask you what kind of changes you want? If so, you must be a V.I.P. Nobody asks me if I want changes, they just expect me to shovel them down my throat and smile at the brand new democracy they've dreamed up for me. I'm beginning to feel like a rubber Welcome-mat for their changes. Maybe some change is good when something is bad, but change for the sake of change? I'm beginning to think change is God who is really the Devil in disguise because nothing is good enough for long any more!

Incidentally, in case someone hasn't noticed this trick yet, everything is being constantly "upgraded" lately so we will have to figure everything out again and do everything over and over while thinking we have or are doing something new. This is said to make our lives much more pleasant and easier, but I don't think customer satisfaction is really in the plan – it is just a scheme to line pockets at the top and to keep underlings too busy to understand what is really behind all this junk and trash and garbage. The con-job has us wired like coked-up rats on a treadmill.

Now we must be careful! If we don't get the upgrade then other things won't work and our lives will be virtually ruined. If things were not being constantly upgraded, there would be massive unemployment. After all, only ten percent of workers produce the basic stuff we need, so what are the others to do? Should they do what they want to do most of the week? Like go on vacation? Hell no, they have to keep upgrading things just in time and make sure things are outmoded as soon as possible so they can keep upgrading things. People get bored with the same old junk everyday and having a few fine things just won't do like it used to do.

Even my wife has been upgraded. I came home one day and I hardly recognized her. When I reached out to her, nothing felt familiar, as if everything had been moved out of my grasp! The buttons I used to push to turn her on just weren’t there! I was afraid I would never be able to log in and enjoy her facilities again. "You've changed!" I complained. That was many months ago - I have not seen her since - she has been upgraded, remarried to the latest version of a husband. That should last maybe a year or less, at least until the next upgrade.

Okay, folks, I think you've got the picture. Now you know me, I like to wind things up on a positive note because I’m an optimistic pessimist. Nothing is permanent.