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Boredom on the Amtrak Express 3/10/2008 12:44:04 PM
A tiny light emerges far off in the horizon. The distinctive screech of the wheels on the track can be heard. Steam can be seen rushing out from the smoke stack. Why didn’t I just fly? Trains can certainly get you from one place to another just like an airplane or automobile can, only slower. But it is a lot cheaper to take the train than it is to buy a plane ticket or, if you don’t have a car available to you, buy a car. No matter how repulsive, how primitive, and how sleazy it might be to take the train, it cannot be ignored that it is still a very important mode of transportation to a lot of people.
My cousin, Allison, is also very important to me. She is a student at Loyola University in Chicago and we have been like brother and sister since we were infants. Before she went off to college last year, I made a promise to her that I would swing by Chicago sometime during her first year there. When that didn’t work out, I made it a point to find time to do so this year, her second year at Loyola. Recently, I did manage to visit her and afterwards, both parties agreed that it was a very enjoyable weekend spent together. However, money is not at a surplus in Michigan these days so a $200 plane ticket to take me to Chicago for two days was not an option. I also do not possess my own car so I had to cross that possibility off the list, as well. And seeing as there is no major waterway from Ann Arbor to Chicago for my speedboat, it seemed as though the Amtrak train was the only viable option for me to get my little hindquarters over to the Windy City. While on the train rides both to and from Chicago, I managed to gain the proper knowledge that will allow anyone to make their own train ride somewhat enjoyable.
The most common reason most people do not prefer the train over other travelling options is that they allow it to frustrate themselves. Sure it is the slowest method of mass transportation. I will give you the fact that Amtrak uses its monopoly on the industry to have their ticket prices much higher than they should be. And everyone would agree that trains are as filthy as Madonna’s idea of literature. However, it is still cheaper than flying and still gets people where they want to go. If it was useless, it wouldn’t exist (though it is still very dirty). Therefore, to try to make your trek on the tracks an enjoyable experience, it would be wise to go into it with a positive mind-set. Unfortunately, when I took the train to Chicago, I did not have a rosy outlook for the situation ahead of me. I just couldn’t get over the fact that I would be alone in some stiff, grungy seat for 4 ½ hours. But a bad start to a train trip does not mean it will be unpleasant as a whole.
Sometimes, the key to making a usually boring train ride more exhilarating is to sit next to an interesting person. If you are a single traveler, this part is especially important. You do not know anyone on the train anyway, so there is no one to judge you or your seat buddy. If you sit next to a fascinating person, it is quite possible that you will be able to get to know each other during the trip. The conversation could be so riveting that it could make the time just fly by and as soon as you know it, you are already at your destination. I muffed this part, too. There were some perfectly lovely-looking people seated in my assigned train car, however I chose to sit in the closest available seat. Would you sit with the next Socrates when you can be right next to a sleeping elderly woman whose fatty folds creep over into your seat?
But you may not always be able to control who you sit next to. There is always someone who is going to be the last person on a booked train and they will be forced to sit in the only available seat next to a person who was sitting by themselves this long for a reason. This is why it is important to be one of the first people to get on the train. When the conductor allows people to step on board, the Amtrak workers assemble people in a single file line. If the train you are riding on did not start its voyage from the station from which you are leaving, you will want to be one of the first people on board if you want a chance at a window seat and/or a good pick for your seat buddy. However, you do not want to run to the line once the train chugs in, otherwise you will seem like a rude jerk. So what you need to do is, before the train starts boarding, find a conductor who has gotten off the train. He will be lowering the stairs that will lead the passengers to the compartment. The conductor will always be right were the front of the line starts. If you feel like taking it a step further, cover up your scheme by asking him a simple question like “How long do you think this ride is gonna be?” You will just seem like a curious, yet innocent person who happened to find his way to the front of the line. You will be staring out that big window while the people behind you get their feet stepped on by the ticket man as he stomps down the aisle. On my way to Chicago, I got three broken toes.
Make sure that when you book your seat for a morning train to eat some breakfast beforehand. In fact, no matter what time your train is scheduled for departure, don’t get on board with your stomach rumbling. It will be a long journey and you do not want to be hungry. It will either tempt you to pay $5 for Doritos in the meal car, or it will cause severe discomfort in your stomach for the entire train ride. So you can be a little poorer or a little hungrier, either way, you will be in a less than ideal state. I chose the hunger and can’t exactly say that I was content with my decision, but what was a boy to do?
Still, all of the above is trivial if you are able to keep yourself occupied on the train ride, as to avoid boredom. I could have chosen to sleep if I had brought a pillow with me, but I didn’t feel like it at 7:00 AM on a Saturday. I could have finished up my homework to alleviate my workload for the upcoming week had I wanted to lug around an extra 3 lbs. in books. Heck, I could have drawn pictures, knitted some badly-needed mittens, read some Kurt Vonnegut, prepared a letter for my state senator, or even wrote this essay had I chosen to bring the necessary supplies to do so. But I rejected all of those distractions so I could observe my fellow passengers.
People-watching is far and away the most crucial factor in taking a train ride and turning it into a tolerable train ride. If you were to find yourself like me, with nothing to entertain yourself with, any train ride, especially the long ones, can drive you crazy from the dullness. I didn’t have a window seat so I had to strain my neck in order to look out the window. And even so, train tracks are often located in the middle of nowhere, so staring at the repetitive view of dying fields and falling down trees can only be so much fun. However, people anywhere are interesting because everyone is different. It is difficult to hear conversations in their entirety between other passengers without risking being caught eavesdropping. That is why I find it quite pleasurable to observe what other passengers are doing and creating stories about them in my head. It is like watching a movie, with the guy sitting two rows in front of me acting it all out for me.
For example, a man and a woman were seated to my immediate right. They looked to be in their late twenties or early thirties. They had come onto the train together so they were not single passengers just sitting together. That was probably a good thing considering they paid for two seats but really only needed one. From their lack of shyness in showing signs of affection for each other, I imagined that they were going on their honeymoon. But because they were headed to Chicago on a train, they were not financially well-off. Either way, they were just happy to be with each other. They didn’t need money because they had their love. After a while, they must have realized that they forgot to eat beforehand as I did, and decided to go take a gander at the food selection in the meal car. Ten minutes later, a pouty woman and a cross man returned empty-handed. They sat down where the happy newly-weds had once been. The man muttered something about not wanting to pay that much for a bag of Cheetos. The woman folded her arms, turned away from her new husband, and tried to fall asleep. Clearly, she came from a wealthy family and was a bit spoiled. But against her family’s wishes, she married the hunky maître d’ at Applebee’s. She had been proving her family wrong up until now. I gave them two months.
Watching those two kept me entertained for a good half an hour. Over the course of the rest of the train ride, I saw the disabled man’s futile attempts at befriending the evil businessman, the struggling college student making a surprise visit home to reveal to her parents that she is dropping out of school, and the sweet old black man who is on his way to meeting his fully grown son for the first time. I could’ve been right on with everyone or I could’ve been completely wrong. I will never know for sure nor will I care. It served its purpose of keeping me amused for awhile.
The returning train back to Ann Arbor went much differently than the one I took to Chicago. I was confident that this train ride wouldn’t be so bad. I asked the conductor a question as soon as the train arrived at the station which allowed me to get a window seat. Having eaten dinner before getting to the train station, I did not have any urges to buy any over-priced food items nor did I feel starved. My seat buddy showed me that he only spoke some language from the Far East but that was OK, because I was better prepared this time. After some experimenting, I found that folding up my sweatshirt and placing it up against the window created a pretty decent pillow-substitute. So I slept and slept and slept. When I arrived back in Ann Arbor, I looked back on the train ride and realized it wasn’t so bad after all. Sure I was dormant for the entire duration of the journey, but I wasn’t cranky and my neck was only a little stiff.
Trains are not fun. The only reason anyone ever takes the train is because it is the only option financially for them, or they have never taken one and think it would be neat to try it out. The ladder normally ends with disappointment. However, even though it lacks the oomph of the airplane or the homeliness of your own car, the train can be bearable. Just like anything in life, it is only as good as you make it. I feel confident that the next time I absolutely have to take the train, it won’t be so bad. I will go in with a positive attitude, talk to the conductor so I can get a good seat, eat beforehand, and bring both a pillow and a book. I’ll be damned if the train gets the best of me again.
