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It’s Never Too Late for Chivalry to Ride Again 3/11/2008 9:10:49 AM
I often find myself having to open up a door that closed only a second before. While it may be a small task that doesn’t really harm me in any way, shape, or form, I still shouldn’t have to open up a door almost immediately after it closes. The person who entered just before me could have taken the same, if not a less, amount of effort I had to use to open up the door, to simply hold it for a few moments until I arrived. Both instances have either one of us exerting a little extra effort while the other doesn’t, however, it would give the person before me some benefit if he was the one using extra effort. If he holds it open for me, I think of him highly. If he doesn’t, I think of him in disgust. If he doesn’t care what I think, then to hell with him; his rudeness will undoubtedly leave him lonely in life without my disapproval. It is the small but thoughtful things that make a man a gentleman. Unfortunately, they seem to be fading as fast as the last ten seconds of “Born to Be Wild”.
Steppenwolf, whether intentional or not, reflected the shift in American culture with that song. Especially that of men. Believe it or not, there was once a time when a guy did not have to constantly come up with new ways to prove to his guy-friends that he was not gay. Contrariwise, men actually wore their sensitivity on their sleeves and were capable of doing nice little gestures for strangers. But men today have to be loud, swear, sweat, get drunk – basically be wild – just to prove their manliness.
The whole act normally starts in middle school, right around the time when puberty is starting to run its course. Up until that point, boys and girls do not look as different as they will once they reach adulthood. Then, once they start to realize that they are very much different, and that they are attracted to the opposite sex, suddenly boys want to magnify their new changes. Perhaps it is done to catch up to the girl’s puberty progressions (girls often begin puberty 1-2 years before boys do). Regardless, middle-school boys notice that their voices have dropped about a half-key, but decide to speak from the bottom of their throat so it sounds like their voices have dropped two full keys. Then, because it is obvious that their shoulders have broadened almost an inch on each side, they walk around with their shoulders raised and elbows pushed out to the side at a 120° angle. Neither techniques convince anyone that these 13 year old boys are built and baritones, but it is still commonly practiced. (It should be noted, though, that girls do not make an effort to raise their voices so that they may be confused with Beaker from The Muppet Show.)
A few years later, when the boys’ customization of their puberty experience becomes real, they switch to new approaches to convey how machismo they are. Teenage males can be seen overly-experimenting with the word ".$#*%!”, a trend that will follow them the rest of their lives. A little later on “nailing that bitch”, or at least talking about it, becomes a righteous thing to do. Not too much time passes and the little pre-pubescent angels are now door-not-holding-open, crotch-scratching, foul-smelling asses. But it is justifiable because no one is going to mistake them for a “fag”.
All the way through the 1960s and a little beyond in some cases, men could be sophisticated without being mocked for it. In old black-and-white movies, admired stars such as Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, and Jimmy Stewart all appeared quite frequently in their respective films as perfect gentlemen. Seen giving a woman his jacket, generously tipping the hard-working waiter, and offering to throw a lasso around the moon for Mary, being genteel was the cool thing to do for men. It was A-OK for a man to show his emotions and act on them, rather than the expectance for men to be hard and unbreakable today. Now, guys tend to shy away from acting chivalrous, leading some to believe that chivalry is dead. But it doesn’t have to be.
Enter Jonathon Gentleman, the protagonist of my views. Had he been the person who entered through the door just before me, he would have undoubtedly taken a few seconds out of his day to hold it open until I arrived. I would be glad that he did a nice gesture for me so I forward him a polite “thank you”. Liking that I acknowledged his selfless act, Jonathon Gentleman responds with a sincere “you’re welcome”. He might even take it a step further by smiling at me and saying “have a nice day”, where I would finish off our encounter with the timeless “thanks, same to you”.
Both of us leave feeling happy that we were able to positively interact with a complete stranger, giving us the sense that we might have just made that person’s day a little better. It all stemmed from a small, nearly-insignificant gesture. But it was not, in fact, insignificant at all. Doing things for other people that are not moral duty is what really counts towards gaining favorable public opinion.
Jonathon Gentleman is not only polite, but he is classy to boot. Always trying to look as dapper as possible without being over-the-top, JG has no problem wearing a nice sweater in informal settings and always wears a coat when the tie is requested. Daily grooming is a must for Mr. Gentleman. He takes showers (with soap even!), brushes his teeth twice daily, tames his hair, and controls his body odor at all times so as never to offend anyone. Jonathon Gentleman knows that appearance is not the most important thing in life, but it is his personal trademark to go the extra mile, just to show other people that he wants to impress them. And trying to impress people is one of the most effective ways of proving to other people that you think they matter, and that makes them feel important. Jonny G wants others around him to feel special, which causes other people to want to be around him, creating a lovely endless circle filled with good taste and happy people.
However, the art of impressing people is very delicate. If J. Gentleman tries too hard to impress, he can come across as a show-off and, as a result, just as unlikable as those who don’t try to impress at all. Therefore, for him to maintain his crystal reputation with his peers, Mr. Gentleman needs to do a balancing act of trying to impress enough to make him admirable, but not too much, or else he will be viewed as arrogant.
Unfortunately, Jonathon Gentleman is no longer as big as an icon as he once was. Women still adore him, but because he seldom shows himself anymore, his rare sightings are often viewed as creepy impersonations of the one-time beloved ideal man. However, males still know that he can exist in any environment. He has been known to emerge for the occasional prom and/or job interview. But normally, men today have been programmed to harass him at first sight, in hopes that he becomes permanently invisible.
Enter Slimy Sal the Slob, the Toronto Argonauts to Jonathon Gentleman’s Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Sal starting showing up a lot in the 1970s, right around the time when open gayness was becoming more and more accepted. Homosexuality started to become an evident reality, something it really hadn’t been for years. With this, some heterosexual men felt they had to re-iterate the fact that they were manly, thus eliminating all doubts surrounding their sexual preferences (which is a common misconception; many gay men are quite masculine). Slimy Sal the Slob led the way with his unshaven beard, loud, profanity-filled speeches, and increased tendencies to womanize. The Slob had always been around, but in the past he came across as being an obnoxious ass. Now, though, when other guys objected towards his brutish mannerisms, he would play into their paranoia of being considered a “queen”, saying things like “what are ya, a pussy?” or “you fairy”. To stop Slimy Sal’s onslaught on gay-implying statements, other men started acting just like him, even leaving Jonathon Gentleman’s Sale for SStS’s.
Over the past three decades or so, there have been far more Slimy Sal the Slobs compared to Jonathon Gentlemans than there ever used to be. Nothing conveys this point more than Hollywood. To woo the ladies, stars of the past would act classy. Clark Gable, a very influential movie star in the 1930s, shows a very good example of this in the 1934 film It Happened One Night. In the movie, Gable plays the kind reporter, Peter Warne, who agrees to help Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) re-unite with her fiancée, the money-hungry “King” Westley (Jameson Thomas). Because he was so kind in helping her, Ellie falls in love with Peter, and ends up marrying the gentleman over wicked Westley.
Today, though, the biggest male names in Hollywood are no more than womanizing jerks, yet get hardly any bad publicity for it. George Clooney, for example, was recently seen at a charity even thrown by fellow-celeb Fabio benefiting widows and children of officers who dies in the line of duty. At this event, Clooney got himself filthy drunk and began shouting insults towards the women in attendance. Fabio, a much smaller star than the man who played the glorified crook named Danny Ocean, stood up for the women and gallantly chased out the media-darling Clooney. However, Fabio was made fun of for his gentlemanly act, furthering proof that society today is anti-gentleman. Also, in 1996, alcoholic Billy-Bob Thornton, the alpha-male lead actor of today, won an Academy Award just like the gentleman Gary Cooper once did in 1952. This just stands as a further example that stars today who fit the rough and tough mold are accepted the same way as the thoughtful and polite stars did in the past.
The shift away from Jonathon Gentleman has nothing to do, though, with being an out-dated type of man. Some gentlemen have stood the test of time. The character of James Bond is just as adored nowadays as he was when he debuted on the silver screen in1962. James Bond is the quintessential gentleman, from his well-groomed looks to his high-class charm and sophistication. James Bond has proved over a span of more than four decades that being refined can still get you the ladies and the respect of other men. No one thinks James Bond is gay.
The problem with a guy not being a gentleman is that he comes off as being a jerk. Acting with refinement and caring about your appearance is not “just for queers”. I believe many things guys do today is simply done to demonstrate their masculinity. Seeing who can drink the most, yelling for no reason, and not bathing are all done because “no gay man would ever act that way so if I act that way I am definitely not gay.” Trust me; if you don’t speak above an alto and/or lack an Adam’s apple, you really have nothing left to prove. It would do the world a lot of good if Jonathon Gentleman made a comeback. More doors would be held open, more people would be interacting in a friendly manner, and more women would be treated elegantly. Perhaps Steppenwolf would be inspired to make a comeback of their own led by their new hit single “Born to Be Well-Mannered”.
