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Blogs by CJ Heck
One about Love 5/18/2011 5:17:46 AM
I'm still learning ...
Being in love is one of the most misunderstood, yet most satisfying, of all states to be in. I've noticed in Facebook, of all the subjects written and talked about, love has to be right up there among the ones at the top. What is it about this thing called "love"?
We go through life thinking we have to "find" love, and the search becomes an obsessive mission. We spin our wheels for years, looking in all the wrong places, choosing the wrong people, and time and again, we get hurt because it's the wrong person for us. But is it? Do we really, honestly give love a chance?
Because we've been hurt so many times, it seems even when we do find someone special we can connect with, most of us have so many protective walls built around our self, that we almost dare the other person to break through. When the object of our affection cannot break through, we think once again we've failed at love.
I'm sure no expert, I'm still learning myself, but in speaking with Dinahh about it, he says love just isn't that difficult -- once it finds you. Like a flower, you only have to give it an open heart and an environment where it can grow and thrive. We have to throw away all of our protective walls -- just as a flower can't grow up through the dirt with a layer of concrete poured on the ground above it, love can't grow if we don't give it a loving place where it can blossom.
It becomes easier to understand if we look at a new relationship like a bank account. When we meet someone, the bank account starts out full -- full of trust. If it should grow into love, we can add to the account, affection, passion, sharing, closeness, and all of the other attributes we need in order to have in a healthy love relationship. If we start out with hope, a full bank account, and an open heart -- we give love a fighting chance. Oh, and trusting is easier if we'll only remember, this person had nothing to do with the people who hurt us in the past. To make love work, we have to always put more into the bank account than what we take out.
According to Dinahh, as a relationship grows in love, it grows in trust, as well. Trusting completely in that love, we can then allow our vulnerabilities to come out. We have to share our deepest self, even those parts of our self we dislike. There can be no secrets in love -- I don't mean you have to do it all at once. Dinahh tells me it may take years! Find a quiet time, cuddle on the couch, or spoon together in bed, but open your hearts, feel the love between you, feel the energy flowing through you from the universe, and then talk and share.
If the love is real, what comes from the sharing is acceptance, as well as an even deeper love, and a chance to grant our partner -- and ourselves -- forgiveness. A whole new closeness and trust is the result. Surprisingly, you'll even find a renewed feeling of protectiveness for your partner. Remember, they've carried these things with them, buried for a long time, and now that they've shared them with you, they are trusting you to love them even more because they have.
When conflicts arise -- and they will -- we have to keep our hearts open, hear each other out and really listen. If we're too angry to do that, Dinahh says that's only our fear and ego trying to control us and take over. We need some space, so take it. Find a quiet place to be alone for awhile and go to the silence, push aside both mind and ego -- again, they'll only try and take control. Find our center, feel the energy flow through us (to me, it feels sort of like the eternity symbol, a sideways "8"). Open our heart and feel the love. Only when we reconnect with self, and feel the love again can we work through the problem for a healthy solution.
