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Old Man Winter (Bastard!) - Why Won't You Die?! 2/21/2015 7:57:55 AM
Winter sucks! I’m so sick and tired (because, like a wife and a cannonball shackled to your ankle, you can’t have one without the other) of snow and cold and all the wonderfulness that they bring with them such as snow removal and lizard skin and slush and ice and the need to send a fortune up the chimney and rampant sickness.
It snows just about every day and/or (more often and) night, sometimes a lot, sometimes only a little, but always enough that it needs to be dealt with to some degree or another.
On the subject of degrees; just about the only damn time that it doesn’t snow is when the temperature drastically drops (usually into the negatives) and everything freezes. Big improvement! (See - 20 Below Zero Ain’t No Nice Place to Be - posted on 1/17/15 for further details).
We have stockpiles upon stockpiles of snow, but despite us having long since run out of places to put it, that old jerk wad winter keeps sending it to us inches and feet and mountains at a clip.
Everybody is either sick or coming down sick or just getting over being sick and there aren’t enough hamster balls to go around, as they do because they’re hamster balls, duh.
To recap, we are overstocked with snow and cold and sickness. That having been established, here’s what I’m prepared to do: I’m going to slash prices right across the board. That’s right! For a limited time only (I hope) snow can be had by the inch or the mountain, and cold can be had by the degree, and sickness can be had by the germ (I’ll show you germ warfare) dirt (until I can see some long lost dirt again) cheap!
Oh, well, it could be worse; I could still live in Boston. Compared to what they got going on, it’s the height of summer here in upstate New York.
