Canine Cerebral-Rectal Syndrome…some observations

It’s the 2nd of January, 2022, two days into what we all hope is a FAR better year than the past two were (although all the warning signs point ahead to one of the most problematic, ‘eventful’ and trying years America…and all Americans…has faced in this decade).

Here in Suckatoe (CA), which is the capitol of this benighted state, it is presently colder than AOC’s soul, weather-wise. The temp this early AM was a frosty -7 degrees C. in our back yard. For those who’ve never bothered to learn how to convert C. to F., that’s a frigid 20 degrees F. This in a state where the summertime highs are frequently breasting 110 degrees (F.)! Despite the ironic truth of that old 1972 song by Hamilton and Hazleton that goes “…It never rains in sunny Californica (sic)”, the past week saw record rainfall (and snowfall in the high Sierras…think 1846 ‘Donner Party’ and cannibalism, eh?), regardless of the fact that even so, this state will still be stricken by drought conditions in the coming warm season. Never a dull season in the land of fruits, nuts and fairies (Disneyland’s ‘Tinkerbelle’, lest anyone think I am homophobic, perish the thought!).

At any rate and even with this remarkably cold spell, I was this AM sort of actually enjoying the crisp chill as I put on all my cold weather gear prior to taking pupster out for her second morning ‘long walk’ (more like a ‘sniff and squirt’ expedition, from her viewpoint). And so, we headed out at about 1030, noting the frost all over the lawns and roofs of the houses hereabouts. I was in a pretty good mood…as close to ebullient as one can come, if one is a die-hard Schopenhauer-grade pessimist (and big fan of Disney’s EEYORE, the optimistically pessimistic donkey) such as I am.

From home, we walked down the adjacent street (which is a boulevard running past a major elementary school, with a speed limit is 35 max and 25 ‘when children are present’), noting that there wasn’t a single car zipping by traveling at less than 45, with most hitting 50 or more. Holiday season or not, that’s just plain unacceptable to any sane person (or should be to anyone with grammar-school age kids). How to deal with such blatant disregard for safety? I was reminded momentarily of all the utterly fruitless past efforts to get the Sauckatoe City Council to institute some much-needed enforcement of this strip. Their response? A ‘Tsk-tsky’ LCD “Your speed is…” radar speed readout sign, mounted on a telephone pole (that is partially obscured by a tree, just like the “Speed Limit 25, when Children are Present” sign) that after a single week of operation went tits-up and was subsequently removed by the city.

Of course, walking down that stretch of street, with these motorized, speeding idiots roaring by less than a few feet from anyone on the sidewalk, also reminds me of my experiences as a turn-marshal at the famous Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterey, where full-bore, over-powered and totally unmuffled racecars would roar by dangerously close to us at more than 100 mph on its road-racing course. It’s not much different, really, so I simply stick my NIOSH-grade earplugs in place and ignore the traffic as much as possible, although the nearby park where we usually head to requires first unavoidably and involuntarily running the gamut down the periphery of this urban raceway. I figure if some whacked-out, DUI driver takes me out along the way, at least it’ll be a quick (and messy) death. I won’t suffer longer than it takes to get the first two letters of SH*T! out before I’ll be making my case, in person, to either Saint Peter or Mephistopheles!

Anyway, there I am trying hard to stay as far from the nearest traffic lane as possible, as I walk briskly down this sidewalk, when suddenly a layer of pure ice appears on the sidewalk in front of me. To the right of the icy sidewalk, the whole front lawn of the house it fronts is also covered with ice and frost. Oh swell! Despite my extreme care, a few small slips are unavoidable and one sends me lurching slightly to the traffic side of that perilous walkway. Were the pupster not well accustomed to walking on a lead (in other words a typically young pup that needs some training), such moments could be fraught with real hazard!

We finally made it past this pedestrian obstacle course and got beyond it, but not before I uttered a few choice Irish curses at the absentee landlord of that rental property who apparently continues to blithely ignore the city’s stringent new water conservation mandates and runs his lawn irrigation system even when it’s well below freezing (it’s automatic, of course). "Grrr-grrr" as we say in 'woke America'. Or, as they put it a bit more scatologically in Germany, “Scheiss in der Lederhosen!”

My upbeat ‘New Year’ mood by that time, had degraded somewhat, but we pressed on to the park, where fortunately there were no dog owners with loose (unleashed) dogs running about (violating the city’s strict ‘leash-law’, of course, since enforcement there is also non-existent). However, half way through the park (continuing the walk) leaves partly hid a huge pile of dogsh*t that some large economy-sized Saint Bernard dog had thoughtfully deposited for unwary passers-by to step in. Sure enough, I walked right into it…me, someone who makes a religiously scrupulous and consistent effort to pick up and dispose of the pupster’s own frequent poops (the irony is rife…”No good deed goes unpunished”, as the old aphorism goes)! My mood suffered another minus-two-point hit at that time, but I shook the poop off as well as was able and we continued the walk.

About two blocks later (well past the Hootin-Holler Evangelical Church, with its lesbian pastor and ‘diversity is our strength’ hip young congregation), I was walking along on the sidewalk when I was abruptly jerked around 180 degrees by the pupster, without warning. What the f*ck?!

Turning fully around to see what in hell had caused this, I was both aghast and shocked to find a 20s’ish young woman, attired in an expensive Nike running outfit, closing in on us from behind with a medium sized dog leading the way! This young broad was apparently so clueless that she didn’t have a glimmer of the possibility that…pause for a deep breath…it really ISN’T wise to run your dog past someone who also has a dog that THEY are walking, directly from behind! Duh!?

Fortunately, I managed to restrain the pupster (a husky girl) from reacting to this totally insane ‘violation’ of accustomed doggie personal space, although I did get a good wrench (and bruising on my wrist) from the effort as this chucklehead ran blithely by us, only deviating a foot or two beyond the pupster’s 6-foot-lead’s reach when she at the last moment finally read the situation for the disaster it threatened and deflected just a tad.

Equally fortunate for both of us, I didn’t call her the name such a vapid display of stupidity justly entitles her to and merely watched, somewhat open-mouthed, as she merrily pranced down the street, dog in tow and doubtless completely unaware of exactly of how close she had come to precipitating a totally avoidable ‘close dog encounter of the worst kind’.

All this brings to mind the fact that over the past 24 months of unrelenting COVID-19 constraints and social restriction, a large number of good-hearted, if totally clueless people (mostly young) individuals have acquired rescue-dogs from the local animal care and/or pound facilities, acting (doubtless) on charitable impulse. Some, not content to ‘save’ just a single animal, have adopted several. You see evidence of this every day on the street as people walk their newly rescued dogs, some with as many as four or so mix-and-matchers on leads that are quite often of the retractable line variety (meaning no quick or immediate control enabled).

Now, in its broadest consideration, such acts of humanity are to be commended for the gestures of kindness and love that they ostensibly are. God knows that at any given moment there are hundreds of thousands of poor, deserving animals that have, often largely through no real fault of their own, ended up in animal shelters as cast-offs or what one might archly term ‘no longer needed’ pets, simply due to human whim or sheer capriciousness. Thus, these tender-hearted amateur rescuers are at least well-intended in taking on the responsibilities of pet ownership. But that’s usually where it stops.

Unfortunately, a good number of them seem to have either no or precious little prior experience with and/or knowledge of what those animal custodian ‘responsibilities’ entail. Call it ‘dog-sense’, if you will and it doesn’t just happen of its own volition; usually and most often only hard, actual experience with dogs and being around them and their owners will confer that necessary knowledge.

In fact, far too many of these kindly (if horrifically naïve) souls probably not only have no understanding of basic interactive dog-ownership-etiquette, they also likely lack any understanding of various dog breeds themselves and the specific behavioral characteristics of those breeds (all important to know if one is to both own a dog of a certain breed and be able to interact with others who may have different breeds). I sometimes get the impression that these do-gooders somehow think ‘a dog is a dog’ and that all dogs get along quite well with each other as a normative rule.

On the street, given that various dogs have a varying ‘reactive’ response to other breeds (and other dogs in general), it’s an unwritten rule that one does not ‘blind-side’ a dog walker by approaching him with your dog, period. The norm is to keep well away from others with dogs, if necessary crossing the street to prevent and preclude any adverse reactions between dogs. My girl (pupster) is a female ‘alpha’ husky, for instance, who has a strong prey instinct (not atypical of the breed in general) who treats smaller dogs as potential prey. She may or may not get along well with equal-sized or larger dogs and in the case of certain types like Pitbulls and German Shepherd dogs, not at all (the feeling is usually mutual)!

Things like this constitute vital, basic dog savvy to be possessed of if you want to be a responsible dog owner. And clearly, this lady this morning hadn’t the slightest clue about any of these things!

I‘ve said often enough that ‘owning’ a dog…any dog…carries with it a huge responsibility and it’s pretty clear that not everyone is either temperamentally or intelligently mature enough to take on the task of acquiring and caring for a dog. This applies both to puppies, which themselves impose a tremendous owner-learning-curve, and rescue dogs, many of which come with substantial behavioral prior baggage (from previous owner experiences) that needs to be sorted out and understood (i.e. ‘socialised’).

Anyway, we finally made it back to the house with any actual unpleasantness ensuing and once home I was able to decompensate safely (with a few moments of meditation) from all the foregoing events that were trying to turn my original, positive attitude into a much grimmer one.

In closing here, I should reiterate my belief that far too many things for which there presently exists little or no civil regulatory control (like marriage, pet ownership and automobile operation, just to name three big categories) should have vastly more stringent basic requirements. I also believe that these same three categories of human activity should also include a mandatory basic INTELLIGENCE test, as well! On that point both Charles Murray (co-author of ‘The Bell Curve’) and I agree completely!

And now, having expiated a considerable load of venom, angst and corrosive bile in your general direction (from a great height, as noted French author/philosopher/physician Celine would put it), let me wish everyone a New Year! (Note: Not a Happy or Good one…just ‘A Year’). That’s pretty PC safe, I think, considering where the sh*tstorm we call contemporary American life is heading these days…

Given all the forecast ‘bad weather’ ahead (even excluding any COVID-19 nastiness…which is already a certainty…but including more impetuous childishness by North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, further territory-grabbing aggressiveness by Vlad ‘The Impaler' Putin towards Ukraine, and continuing hegemonic economic power-plays by China’s Xi Jinping, among other things), I must say that those redoubtable people of the Jewish faith certainly had it right when they cautiously posit: “Expect the worst but hope for the best!”

That really sums 2022 all up, I think, putting on my Carnac-the-Magnificent turban and peering into the immediate future! Oy gevalt!

Friedrich Nietzsche phrased it almost perfectly when he observed: “If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you!” However, in our case (America’s) not only is the Abyss staring intently back at us, it is grinning BROADLY!... Brrrrr.