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Dating someone with a "disability" What men need to know 4/16/2023 3:05:48 PM
This blog was originally written and posted on A chat site called Wire Club by me and I am reposting it here so more people will have access to it. Since I have had a computer and started chatting with different people especially men online so many years ago, I have seen them bolt, change their minds, make a complete 180 at the mention that I am not perfect and might have a disability. Their negative reaction to learning something like that about me is completely uncalled for and simply based on assumptions and ignorance. As I have become older and am now watching relationship coaching on YouTube, I am deciding to take a different approach to this problem and addressing it directly in this blog. I hope that any man on here who is interested in me will take the time to read. It will relieve you of a lot of your concerns and fears about me and dating someone with a disability of some sort if you do. So, continue to read on if you have the courage to. 1. Not all forms of disabilities are physical or that obvious. Not everyone with a disability is going to be in a wheelchair and not be able to take care of his or herself. I for one have been living independently and taking care of myself for years, long before I came on this chat site. 2. Even if people with a disability appear to have the same type of disability, we are all effected differently by them. The impact we experience by the type of disability we have are just as individual as we are, therefore approach us as Indvidual's first. 3. Not all of us are going to have " special" needs that you are going to have to deal with. My needs as far as dating is concerned are just to meet some place close to where I live or have the man pick me up from my place to take me out and take me home after a date. Also, to determine if we go Dutch treat or is he paying for the date. Just show me good manners, respect, sensitivity and decency. These are normal needs and expectations, normal old-fashioned things that happens on a date. They have nothing to do with the presence of a disability. Any woman would require this of any man on a date. Any person would be requiring courtesy from another person. This is normal. 4.If you see red flags when someone like me mentions to you, she has a disability that should be an opportunity for you to ask more questions to get clarification rather than judging, being dismissive and jumping to conclusions about it. I think you will feel better after you ask better questions coming from a place of curiosity and compassion. So ask better questions about things like that. 5. Hidden behind the mask of disability are good human beings many of which are intelligent, gifted and have big hearts. Remember that Jesus once said what you do to the least of my children you do to me. 6.Not everyone who has to live off of various social security benefits is defrauding the system and not everyone with a disability as I stated before, will show it so obviously. Some battles and struggles are internal not external. I do battle with my own sense of duality daily. I feel like the world tries to make me pull myself in half and choose sides. Do I have a disability or not. I feel expected to shun parts of myself the world can't understand and accept and identify only with parts they do accept and understand. Well, nobody can really do that to themselves can they without causing major psychological damage to themselves. This is a big reason why people compartmentalize their identities sometimes. They feel they have no recourse but to try and do that. It is crazy and unfair to expect someone to decide who they are for your convenience, and I think most of us disability or not are struggling with determining who we are in the world and what our roles are in it. 7.if you want trust you need to give it first. Anyone disability there or not wants to be trusted and believed. We all want to be given a fair chance by others and not have people misjudge us or jump to conclusions. Again, this is why men, you need to ask better questions and get to know us. People are good at jumping to all kinds of wrong conclusions and thinking the worst but not so good at asking questions and finding out what the truth is about something, think of the courage it takes someone like me to let someone know I have a disability no matter what form it takes. I risk judgment, rejection, being called a fraud, having my feelings hurt etc. by telling someone sensitive information about myself like that. It is a sign of trust when someone tells you something sensitive about herself. It is a vulnerable moment. So suspend your judgments. and actually listen. I am trying to trust you so please try to return that trust in kind. This goes for things like being accused of being a scammer etc. because you can't see me on cam or what have you as well. Give someone like me the benefit of the doubt. I can just as easily be who I say I am and just don't feel the need or desire to prove it to anyone. To know who I really am take a chance with me and get to know me and then you will know the truth, you will feel better. Don't imagine the worst. Doing so wont accomplish anything good. Thank you for your indulgences.
