New essay published, along with artwork. Criminology as pseudoscience discusses issues related to contemporary studies in criminology. The essay contends that criminology is not a genuine science but a philosophical (and often pseudoscientific) inquiry into illicit and maladaptive human behavior. Academic programs emphasize theories, history, and speculation while omitting rigorous scientific training such as forensics, DNA analysis, anatomy, and chemistry; degrees are typically Bachelor of Arts rather than Bachelor of Science. True scientific work occurs in crime labs. The author contrasts experienced law-enforcement practitioners with inexperienced academics, media portrayals, and “profilers,” arguing that evidence, not untestable theories or “peer review” in the social studies area, should drive understanding of crime. Criminology, as a pseudoscience, is a philosophy of criminology, illicit behaviors, and criminal behavior, not the scientific study of crime. Real science concerns domains such as astrophysics, biology, chemistry, physics, and quantum mechanics.