There were so many things I was absolutely sure of and I was entirely sure that I loved him like no other. Love didn’t have to make sense to anyone else, as long as it made sense to us; things just had to be done right. My freedom was crucial in our relationship; the truth was crucial. As long as we had those things, then everything else would be okay.

It would be like freedom for both us; I would free us both. I would free him from having to keep me locked up, that wouldn’t have to be necessary anymore. There would be nothing for him to hide and we would be able to run around in public without the fear of being exposed. It would be the first day of our lives, the first day of our lives together.

We would finally be able to move on from that insane phase. I would be able to openly admit that, yes, Braden was my second half and losing him was out of the picture. Things would never be complete without him in my life, his presence was crucial in order for me to think straight. I couldn’t imagine living a life without him, he was my life.

That’s why I had to do it, to enlighten our own desires. In order to save us both, I had to make one huge sacrifice, no matter the pain it would cost me. It was going to save us all and happiness depended on it, on my escape.

…

If only things would have gone like I had planned them. Braden wouldn’t have wrecked. Things would be better. Braden’s memory would not have erased every single last aspect of our love. I was no one to him now, not even a memory. It’s like I had become invisible and it wasn’t his fault, it was the wrecks fault. It was no ones fault, except mine.

…

My eyes sprang wide open, my stomach began to quiver and churn inside out. Damn it, not again. Too late. I woke up everyday hoping that it had all been a nightmare, that everything had been inside my head. I didn’t want it to be true, no kidnapping, no love, and no wreck. Just me, my life, my family and my happiness.

It was still dark out but, after some straining, my eyes adjusted. I was hyperventilating now and small round beads of sweat began to run down the side of my head. My stomach rumpled angrily inside of me, it twisted and I hated life.

I knew what was coming.

The blankets seemed to weigh a ton as I threw them off of me and ran swiftly down the hallway and into the bathroom. I switched the lights on, my eyes burned, and I found the toilet just in time to release last night’s meal. My throat burned and I squeezed my eyes shut. How much more of this could I take?

It wasn’t hard for Jasmine to figure out what was wrong with me, she had gone through this three times. Leland, on the other hand, thought I was bulimic, crazy, or something. It was so hard to keep the food down, even I had been in denial the first two months. It was so easy to blame it on something else, my lack of sleep, anything. “Hospitals make me really nauseous.” I would tell Mom. But she only bought that excuse the first few weeks, and then she finally made me get checked. I was absolutely fine except, of course, that I was pregnant. Inside of me, I carried a four month old fetus.

The nurses knew who the father was but it wasn’t there secret to tell and I refused to say anything. The pain had been unbearable, especially after Braden woke up. I carried a baby that he couldn’t remember conceiving. But he couldn’t remember anything anymore. I couldn’t stop crying but the doctors kept lecturing me about making my baby emotionally unstable. Give me a break. How was I supposed to react? Let’s go jump off the walls with excitement! I’m having a fatherless baby! What great news! No.

Jasmine made me come home and I actually put fourth the effort to try and make things feel better. Things weren’t better though, life seemed pointless, bleak.

There were times when I wanted to stop by Braden’s house, after his release. Mom would’ve flipped. I missed Iris though and I missed his mutual support. He understood me, yes, a dog understood me. I owed him so much, he had kept me sane. Iris, how are you my Iris? Did Iris miss me too?

My life seemed to be drowning in all of my overflowing emotions. I couldn’t keep them locked up. Even if I tried to lock them up, my memories always found a way to bring them back. The emotions, the memories, they would attack me suddenly and I was always so lost and helpless. I didn’t ever want to let Braden go, he was my other half and without him, I was so hollow inside. In time, I knew things would get easier. At least, I had something he had left me behind with, his offspring.

I remembered how Noah had reacted when I told him, he went mad, insane. Well, what was a father to do? Everything just seemed so unbalanced. Of course, both of my parents eventually accepted the news, they had no choice. My situation was too touchy for them. It’s not like Noah could go lecture Braden about using protection and making stupid, reckless, decisions.

Braden would have no clue what Noah was talking about, he couldn’t remember. So, I was left alone and without Braden’s help.

Things had gotten so bad with me; Jasmine had to send me off to live with Noah for a month. It wasn’t exactly the kind of escape I wanted. I knew my parents only wanted to help but they didn’t even know where to start. It’s like their plans were backfiring on them and, instead of getting better, I seemed to get worse.