Yes, I confess, it's time for me to come out of the closet. Thousands upon thousands of intrepid souls have stepped up to the plate in recent years to boldly declare their true colors...dare I say rainbow colors. Though not as colorful as others, I admire their courage and have been inspired to stand on their shoulders or, if too burdensome, then to follow in their glorious footsteps. Particularly impressive has been the moral & emotional support these brave-hearts have received from their family and friends. I can only hope & pray to be so lucky. Thus far, only my dear wife and young daughter have been informed of my coming out. The wife, bless her, has selfishly  (I mean, selflessly) continued to offer her passionate support. Upon hearing the news, my 6 year old daughter, being deprived of the much more awakened curriculum of her American counterparts, simply yawned and went back to watching the latest adventures of Peppa Pig.

Oh me oh my, am I on the brink of enlightenment or one step away from the end of the plank with sharks menacing below? Beads of sweat are coursing through the crevices of my furrowed brow, hands trembling, etc.

Oh, what the hell...here it goes: 

I AM HETEROSEXUAL!

There I've said it. Please accept me for who I am. That's all I ask!