An interested reader online from the USA finds information on Secrets, Lies & Chat
A few days ago I received an email from a gentleman in the USA. He is a retired High School teacher, and, by his own admission, was addicted to chat for 6 years.
During a 'surf' he found information on my book Secrets, Lies & Chat, and read my bio with interest after finding his way to my website. He felt that our lives had, in a way, been very similar because of our addiction.
We swapped a few emails, and views on chat, and then he ordered two books from me. Now that was exciting news! Finally someone from out there had seen merit in my story and wanted to read it for a number of reasons. His time in chat had started out as mine did, with a couple of years of happiness finding new friends online. He is married, but at the time of finding chat, he had just retired from full-time teaching and had a huge void in his life. Chat filled that void for him and whilst his wife wasn't all that happy about the time he spent on the computer, she went along with it.
He didn't go as far into the chat scene as I did, keeping it to a specific room with the same people. He didn't meet them like I did. After the initial couple of years he noticed distinct changes in the tone of chat in the room he frequented. Therein lies the part of my story that he feels runs in alignment with his. He was dismayed at the changes and yet hung in there, as I had done. I liken it to a poker machine addict; always thinking that if you leave a machine you have put a few dollars in, someone else will sit down when you leave and suddenly the machine starts to pay. I'm sure anyone who uses a poker machine will have had this happen to them.
The same goes for chat. You stay there in case you miss out on something, or on meeting someone that you may learn a lot from or gain insight into an aspect of life from that you wouldn't have had you missed their path crossing yours. My story of course was markedly different because I did meet people from chat and I did have relationships with men I met.
He purchased two books as he wanted a copy for the High School library. Although he has now beaten his addiction to chat, he wanted me to inscribe his book in a way that would remind him of where he had been and where he didn't need to return.
He has the insight to see that my story can be beneficial to people from all walks of life, and all ages. Addiction is something we are all prone to fall prey to, and chat addiction is very real. I am proud that a man of his standing and education has a passion similar to mine; that of hoping to educate young people about the perils of the Internet so that they can enjoy the experience without putting themselves in the firing line for the unseemly side of the medium.
My young grand-daughter, aged 11, has started to use a messenger service to talk to her friends from school. I fail to see the need to talk to people you spend all day with during the week, however some of her friends are now at other schools so they don't see each other regularly. I have talked to her seriously about the Internet and the dangers, and have made sure that my daughter is well aware also and that the time my sweetie spends online is supervised. My daughter sits with her, or hovers nearby, and if she sees a new 'nick' on the list of contacts, she is quick to question who that person is.
Although I may not agree totally with her using a messenger service, I am happy that this is giving her the opportunity to learn how to use a computer. It is also giving her the chance to express herself in words, even if they are mostly a jumble of chat emoticons and broken english. She is learning her way around a keyboard, another plus to someone like me. All part of today's world and the need for all of us to stay with it and enhance our skills continuously. And, after all, I did give them a computer to use, not to sit and gather dust!
I am not out to do harm to the reputation of the Internet, or to chat. I think chat is a wonderful medium, used correctly, and my one aim is to show people how easily it is to be manipulated into situations that can be dangerous. Children are the highest priority for education on how to act, and react, online, and if no one tells them the downside they may become part of it and not realise until it's become a problem.
I see addiction in my grand-daughter already; she needs to go online almost every evening for a short time. Addiction can get anyone at any age and only those who are addicted to something, or have been addicted, know this to be true.
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