To Whom It May Concern

Many anxious people have been asking me for advice about their issues lately. They have noticed me pondering all day, and they have supposed that I am wise. Yet I am by no means qualified to expertly advise anyone on anything at all. Therefore I believe I should publish this public notice of my incompetence in hopes that I shall not offend anyone by having to put them off personally.

It has been my lot in life to ponder on the meaning of life. I was given quite a few painful problems to think about at a very young age. I have already dwelled on them at considerable length and I shall continue to do so elsewhere, sparing my present audience the confessional details.

I am a slow thinker with a plethora of problems instead of issues, so my problems remain largely unsolved. If I ever wise up it will probably be too late for me to do anything about them, but at least I am hanging around in my own way. Besides, I find some consolation in thinking about my problems instead of losing myself in them, especially when my thoughts lead me to realize that I am not the only one with problems - misery loves company even more at quite a distance.

Speaking of which, and I should not say this, I think misery loves company because the company is miserable to begin with and always will be. I think people in general are scared to death, and that each personality masks the fear of death in a slightly different way. Please excuse me for saying so, but I think the personality is a death mask. I think everybody is suffering and they hate to admit it because nobody wants to hear about it so it is covered up, sometimes so well even the persons suffering are unaware of it. 

Anyway, part of my basic problem is that I insist on doing things my way i.e. the hard way. I love to painstakingly analyze the complicated complexes I imagine are overwhelming me. The more I struggle with them, the more elaborate they become, the more I think I might be a great novelist, for example, if only I could bring other complex characters besides myself into a definite life or death plot.

Someone else's solutions simply will not do unless they serve to confirm what I have already learned for myself after a great deal of agonizing. That is not to say I do not consult other miserable thinkers about the basic anxiety. Many if not most of them far surpass me in their ability to analyze the problems of human existence and to offer various reasons for living despite life's predicaments - as if life did not already have reason enough for going on and on until the last gasp! I invariably disagree with their ponderous arguments, and I do so as a matter of habit because, at least in my book, authority is presented as a personal challenge to find an even higher and better authority. Nonetheless, I often wind up concurring with the lesser authorities after beating around the bushes for awhile and flushing out some of the same game they had identified long ago.

I have bagged a few little truths, but I have no final solution to the population problem - that life per se is a dreadful disease. In fact, it amazes me when someone asks me what they should do in such and such a case. Why ask me? I am not a doer. I prefer the symbolic action of thinking over actual doing any day.

Furthermore, everything I have done has not been well done at all. History is a mistake hence my life in retrospect is a series of mistakes in comparison to what it should have been. Hence I can only offer advice on what not to do.

Do not do drugs including but not limited to alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and refined sugar. Do not turn on the shower until you put the shower curtain on the inside of the tub. And so on. You know the drill.

My prohibitions could be converted into positive commandments and marketed as "Just say no to drugs." and "Always put the shower curtain inside the tub," and so forth. Still, my advice would be in reference to my errors and omissions and not to successful activities.

If some still would ask me what they should do, I can only recommend thinking before acting, which they are already doing anyway or they would not be asking. I would certainly give them more to think about. Whether that helps them or not is debatable, for most people who ask for advice are just asking for permission to do what they want to do and are going to do anyway, or are asking to be told not to do what they do not want to do. All I can do is encourage them to do what they will, or not to do what they do not want to do, and advise them to seek a licensed psychiatrist who prescribes psychotropic drugs if they are really distraught.

It should be plain from what I have said that I am incompetent to advise anyone about their personal issues. I simply have too many of my problems to think about. For that I do sincerely apologize. I wish I had lived my life better, and then I would be of more use to others.

Signed,

Frederick Forsooth