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I am pleased to be the Chief Romance Officer (CRO) of LoveForever.com. Please check it out at www.loveforever.com, for low-cost video counseling.

Happiness Tip: From Friends to Lovers and Back

In my counseling office, I’m often asked about friends who once were lovers, and if they can make the change to friends again. Friendships that go from friends to lovers back to friends can be very close, because you know each other so well. The first thing you need to do is talk about it. Make a deal that you won't do anything that would jeopardize your friendship, and stick to it. (That means, acting as a friend, and not being jealous if he/she has a date.)

The more emotionally mature you are, the easier it is to re-establish the friendship. Openness increases intimacy. So friends who can talk about everything feel closer than friends who can't.

However, friendships have more limits on sharing than lover relationships do. If you’ve found someone new, you have to consider your sexual partner, too, who might not like his or her privacy invaded; and who might be uncomfortable that you’re close to an ex.

It may be surprising, but, many people do become friends again after they've divorced or split up. Here are some guidelines for doing that successfully.

So, your ex has been hanging around, helping you out with things around the house, eating dinner with you and the kids, or just calling you up to talk about good times in the past. Old, friendly feelings seem to be coming back. Can you really revert to being friends? Here’s how to see if you and your ex can make it work.


* Go very slowly. It takes time to get re-organized as friends. Talk about your friendship and tell the truth. If it’s going to work, it will go better if you go more slowly, and you’ll have a chance to build a better foundation than before.

* Treat it like a new friendship. Start from the beginning, and do it differently – you have to figure out the difference between being lovers and being friends.

* Be conscious about being friends — talk about what you miss about your friendship — if you cannot talk honestly about what changed and what to do differently, you won’t succeed

* Make sure your ex wants the friendship as much as you do. If there are unresolved old feelings, you need to talk about them.

* If you run into difficulty, you may want to seek counseling to repair the friendship and resolve the ex-lover relationship.

© 2014 Tina B. Tessina
adapted from: Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences (Kindle and Paperback)

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at http://tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

10 Reasons For Not Falling in Love
Anticipating Change
Apology and Forgiveness
Asking for What You Want

Aspects of Love
Creating Connections: Draw Them In
The Family of the Heart
Friends with Benefits
Getting to Yes
Gratitude, Kindness and Happiness
How to Cope with the Loss of a Friend
Kindness and Happiness
Learning Forgiveness
Letting Go Takes Love
Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends
The One Who Got Away
Relating With Love
Response Ability
Weaving The Web
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Your Bestest Friend You

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I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com

MAILBOX
Re: Solving Problems Takes Equals (See this past article at http://www.tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html )
This is great! XOXOXO to you for your brilliance.
Stephanie Stephens, M.A.

You should read Tina B. Tessina's work, too. I think it will help you a lot. Dahna

You have such a gift to share and I am happy to have been a recipient of you understanding and love.
Thank you again, love, Donice

I celebrate you every day, Tina. You make a big difference in this world and all our lives. You are a gift. May this new year of life bring you much joy Laurie