Happiness Tips from Tina

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How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together co-authored with Riley K. Smith Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9 Please take a look and tell me what you think.


Happiness Tip: Is this the one?

Clients often come into my office with questions about a relationship that’s not quite working. Whether the relationship is new or has gone on for a while, it’s not working well now. While my main focus is usually on helping people repair relationships and create more connection, intimacy and joy, sometimes it becomes necessary to help people figure out if it’s time to leave.

It's not always easy to admit that you've connected with someone you care about, but he or she is not really "the one" for you. Your brain may not know, but your gut, otherwise known as your subconscious and your feelings, do.

Here are some hints that he or she may not be "the one":

1. You're not turned on, excited, eager to be close: To sustain intimacy throughout a long-term relationship, you need to begin with a strong intimate connection. If you're enjoying snuggling, but never want it to go farther, (or your partner doesn't) you've probably got a cuddly friend, and not a love relationship.

2. You feel bored. If you find you're always on your phone or ignoring each other, you are probably bored. There's not enough meaningful communication to keep you feeling connected. You might be able to fix this if it's just bad habits, but it can also mean you don't have enough to say to each other. You know how you never run out of things to talk about with your bestie? You need to have that with your main squeeze, too.

3.You hope your date doesn't call, or you avoid talking with him or her. Instead of waiting eagerly to hear his or her voice, you hope the phone won't ring, or you'll just get an easily brushed-off text. It's a bad sign, indicating that you aren't really enjoying your connection.

4. You never laugh together. Laughter is an essential part of romantic connection. If you're too serious, and you don't know how to laugh together, your relationship probably will become boring and brittle, and won't survive the tough times.

5. You aren't looking forward to going out with your partner. There's nothing you look forward to about being together. You might be late for dates a lot. Maybe you prefer to spend time with friends; having separate time with friends can be a good thing, but not if it's just because you don't want to be alone together.

6. You don't feel inspired to make future plans. If you aren't thinking "Wow, I'd love to go to (name the place) with this person and share (name the activity)”, it could be an indication that you're not planning a future for this relationship.

7. Physical symptoms: If you get headaches, feel sick to your stomach or just feel physically uncomfortable around your date, that's a serious sign that your tension level is high, and you're not happy here. Don't ignore such signs, they'll only get worse.

If you experience any of these signs, it's important to first pay attention and understand how you feel, and then talk about it. Some of these things might be fixable if you're both willing. Repairing the relationship starts with telling the truth about how you feel.

More on repairing your relationship:
“Begin Again with an Apology” http://www.tinatessina.com/begin-again-with-an-apology.html
“How Not to Repeat Past Relationship Mistakes” http://www.tinatessina.com/how-not-to-repeat-past-relationship-mistakes.html

© 2018 Tina B. Tessina
adapted from: Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences http://tinyurl.com/h4xtnzx

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html
Attitude Adjustment
Avoiding The Drama Triangle
Better Intimacy, Better Sex
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
Creating Unconditional Love
Fair Fight Guidelines
From Struggling to Solving
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
How Sex Can Evolve in a Long Relationship
How to be Irresistible to Your Mate
How to Handle a Bad Breakup
It’s a Dirty Job
Keys to a Happy Relationship
Less Talk, More Action
Letting Go Takes Love
Lighten Up - Cures for Marital Boredom
Love and Chemistry
Lovestyles
The Magic of Reassurance
No Cooperation? Solve it Yourself!
Problem Solving For Couples
Response-Ability
The Right Way to Love
Romance is Not Necessarily Love
Setting Boundaries and Saying No
To Keep the Romance Alive
Why Couples Fall Out Of Love
Your Primary Relationship

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I welcome your feedback and support, please contact me at tina@tinatessina.com.

Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com