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How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together co-authored with Riley K. Smith Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9 Please take a look and tell me what you think.

Happiness Tip: Grandma’s Dating Advice

While fashions and fads and technology change, the basic skills of human communication, cooperation and commitment don’t. A healthy, happy, lasting relationship needs the same abilities to share thoughts and feelings with each other, to work through problems with the intent of reaching a solution rather than just browbeating each other about who’s right or wrong, and to hang in there, through good times and bad. What was true in Grandma’s day is often still true today. Here’s some old advice that still is valuable today.

Grandma would say: “Why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?” In other words, don’t be too quick to have sex. This sounds arcane today, but there is a certain truth to it. When you have sex too soon, the power of that connection overshadows all other aspects. When you wait a while, and get to know the person you’re about to be intimate with, see that person in a variety of settings, observe him or her interacting with other people, you’ll learn more about the character of the person, and not be quite so susceptible to the surface attributes. This will result in a deeper and more meaningful connection that is more likely to last.

Grandma would ask: “Who are his/her family?” We are no longer so concerned with class status, but it remains important to know your intended’s background. Observing the way your date’s family interacts will show you what good and bad relating habits your date learned from the cradle. While these habits can be good or bad, and the bad ones can be overcome, understanding family dynamics and traditions will give you insight into a lot of behavior that otherwise wouldn’t make sense

Grandma would ask: “What kind of job does he/she have?” Many younger people don’t realize that having significant work experience and holding down a job indicates a person has life skills. If your date is out of school and doesn’t have a reliable income, it could be an indication that he or she isn’t mature enough for a responsible relationship. If you just want a temporary playmate, this is fine, but if you want a partner you can build a life with, including savings, a family, and a future, take a look at date’s financial habits and achievements.

Grandma would say: “Never let the sun go down on an argument” I see so many couples who have long-standing resentment from arguments they haven’t resolved for months or years. While it can be useful to take a break and give both of you time to calm down so you can reach an agreement, it is not helpful to avoid talking about things that are upsetting to one or both of you. Resolve things as timely as you can. Learn negotiation skills so you can solve problems together. If a problem is hanging around and not getting solved, or an argument keeps recurring, make a therapy appointment to get an objective opinion on what’s blocking your connection.

Grandma would say: “Don’t give up. Fix whatever is broken.” This is advice that I think is sorely needed in relationships today. The seemingly easy availability of other people to date through apps makes it seem simple to just let go and do something else. But no relationship is perfect, and most issues can be fixed. By working on whatever is not going well in your current relationship, you will learn critical skills, and if it doesn’t work out in the end, you’ll have a much better understanding of what you need for the next relationship.

Grandma’s advice comes from long life experience, so heeding it can increase your happiness.

© 2018 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

HAPPINESS TIPS FROM TINA

Autonomy vs Dependency
Do You Understand Emotional Intelligence
Growing Up As An Adult
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
Setting Boundaries and Saying No
Your Primary Relationship
Aspects of Love
Gratitude, Kindness and Happiness
The Health Benefits of Shared Laughter
Kindness and Happiness
Learning Forgiveness
Less Talk, More Action
The Freedom of Maturity
Mirrors and Teachers
Dating and Relationships: Is this the one?
Guidelines for Successful Dating
Is Dating Scary? Here’s what to do
Love With Head and Heart
Romance is Not Necessarily Love
Stupid Cupid
The Top Eleven Good Reasons to Get Married
7 Signs You May Be Too Negative in Your Relationship
Apology and Forgiveness
Begin Again with an Apology
Better Intimacy, Better Sex
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
From Struggling to Solving
How Not to Repeat Past Relationship Mistakes
Keys to a Happy Relationship
Relationship Myths
The Right Way to Love
To Keep the Romance Alive
Watch Out for Bad Relationship Habits
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships

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Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com