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Announcing my newest book: Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today https://tinyurl.com/y8tdwwje If you know anyone who is looking for a lasting relationship, this will help you find it and get started on the right foot.

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How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together co-authored with Riley K. Smith Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9 Please take a look and tell me what you think.


Happiness Tip: Why Get Marriage Counseling?

As a marriage counselor/psychotherapist in private practice, I encounter a lot of people who waited far too long to come in for counseling because they didn't understand what it was or how it could help them. These ten things will clear up confusion and help you understand when counseling would be a good idea for your marriage.

1. It's not about airing your dirty linen in public. No good therapist will chastise you for your behavior or attitudes. Counseling is about helping you get what you both want, and helping you to communicate.

2. It's not about changing your partner. The best way to change your partner is to change how you relate. A counselor has the objectivity and perspective to see what both of you are doing and saying that is interfering with your communication. He or she will show both of you what needs to change to make your relationship better.

3. It really can vastly improve your marriage, and make you happier. If you’re not getting what you want in your relationship, or not able to figure out what your partner wants, counseling is a place to learn those things, and find out the emotional blocks that are stopping you from being happy.

4. You can learn skills you didn't know you needed, that will get you what you want. A good relationship requires skill in communicating, knowing what you want and knowing how to articulate how you feel in a non-confrontational way. Couples have to learn how to work together, negotiate and cooperate. Counseling is an opportunity to learn those skills.


5. It's not scary, it's enlightening. You won't be harmed or belittled: instead, you'll be delighted at what you find out. Imagine the confusion and upset fading away, and being replaced by clarity and renewed affection.

6. It doesn't cost a lot. The earlier you go in, the quicker you can get the problem solved, and the less it will cost. Don’t wait until the resentment and hurt feelings have built and festered for years. If you go in as soon as you feel something isn’t working, the counselor can help you figure out what is wrong, and quickly correct it. If you let bad habits become ingrained, it takes longer to fix them.

7. No topic is off limits. Whatever you haven't been able to talk about, the therapist will create a safe place for you to hear and be heard. One couple I worked with called counseling “adult supervision” because it helped them to be able to hear each other talk about things they hadn’t been able to discuss without fighting. The counselor will make sure you are hearing each other, and thinking rather than reacting.

8. Fighting is not a necessary part of marriage, but communication is, and therapy will help you change your fighting to communication. All couples have disagreements. When you learn how to listen to each other, and how to communicate without confronting, arguments become sessions for understanding and working things out.

9. Even if you are getting divorced, you can benefit from marriage counseling. If you have children, you'll have a relationship forever, so learn how to work together, even if it's just for their sake. Whatever problems you’re having in this relationship are likely to come up in the next one, unless you sort them out and figure out how to do it different. Whatever you learn here will be helpful in all future relationships, with partners, family, friends and colleagues.

10 It's about partnership. Every marriage needs to be a partnership, emotionally, financially, socially and domestically. Therapy can teach you how to do this, even if you already get along. You can learn how to work together to solve every problem that comes up in a relationship, from sex to extended family issues to financial struggles. Learning how to cooperate rather than struggle and compete will make walking together through life a pleasure.

Counseling will help you create the relationship you want, and also help all your peripheral relationships; resulting in a happier life with more fun and less drama. © 2018 Tina B. Tessina
Adapted from: How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9

If you want more, here are some related articles you can read at my website at tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

10 Reasons For Not Falling in Love
Aspects of Love

Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Attitude Adjustment
Autonomy vs Dependency
Avoiding The Drama Triangle
Better Intimacy, Better Sex
Couples Can Cooperate for Success
Dating: The Fine Art of “Squirrel Hunting”
Fair Fight Guidelines
Family Meetings
Friends with Benefits
From Friends to Lovers and Back
From Struggling to Solving
Gentle Persistence
Getting to Yes
Guidelines for Being Understood by Your Partner
Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely
Guidelines for Successful Dating
How Sex Can Evolve in a Long Relationship
How to Avoid Financial Infidelity
How to Avoid Loving a Jerk
How to be Irresistible to Your Mate
How to Keep Yourself Out of a Violent Relationship
How to Love an Anxious Person
Is Dating Scary? Here’s what to do
It’s a Dirty Job
Jealousy, Faithfulness and Distance
Keys to a Happy Relationship
Less Talk, More Action
Love and Chemistry
The Magic of Reassurance
The Nail in the Fence: Healing Wounds
No Cooperation? Solve it Yourself!
Problem Solving For Couples
Relating With Love
Relationship Myths
Relationships 101: Do Opposites Attract?

The Right Way to Love
Romance is Not Necessarily Love
State of the Union Meeting
Stop Reacting and Start Relating
Stupid Cupid
Technology and Love
Ten Things People Don’t Know About Therapy
The Tennis Match: How to Balance the Power in Your Relationship
To Keep the Romance Alive
Watch Out for Bad Relationship Habits
What Is A Dysfunctional Relationship?
When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Why Couples Fall Out Of Love

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Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com