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How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together co-authored with Riley K. Smith. Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/zbe63u9 Please take a look and tell me what you think.

Happiness Tip: Learn to Trust Yourself

Understanding and developing trust is a cornerstone for a happy and successful life. You may think trusting others is the key, but you can only trust others to be themselves, and it takes time to figure out the character of new people you meet. The real key to trust is knowing how to trust yourself. Once you can do that, whether other people are trustworthy or not becomes a lot clearer.

To develop your ability to trust, you should first understand your past. Low self-esteem, previous betrayals and parents who were abusive, belittling, distant or unreliable may cause anyone to become extremely guarded. If you feel bad about yourself, you can’t trust yourself. Therapy can help you improve your self-image, which will lead to self-trust.

Next, examine patterns in your past and current relationships, especially the ones you felt let down or betrayed. Ask yourself, what were your expectations? Sometimes we want a relationship to work out so much that we hear promises that the other person didn't make. If you rely heavily on others meeting your expectations, you don’t trust yourself. Learn to use your judgment and watch people’s actions instead of listening to your words. When you use your awareness to protect yourself, you can trust yourself.

Another step in building trust is to be trustworthy yourself. Keep your promises, especially to yourself. Be fair, be nice, and don’t take advantage of people or let them take advantage of you. Feeling trustworthy means you can trust yourself.

If you react with a lot of drama when something seems wrong, before you know what’s really going on, you don’t trust yourself. Overreacting, hysteria and temper tantrums are all signs of feeling out of control. Learn to think before responding, and you’ll look more trustworthy to others, and also to yourself.

If you have a lot of anxiety, you don’t trust yourself. Learn to face your fears and figure out what to do if anything you’re afraid of actually happens. Once you know how to take care of yourself, your anxiety will fade and your trust will grow.

If the people around you aren’t reliable, you’ll behave more like them. Hang around trustworthy, reliable people who keep their word and don’t make promises they can’t keep. Your behavior will improve and so will your self-trust.

Imagine what a year of knowing how to trust yourself can bring!


© 2020 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction http://tinyurl.com/z6xafbv

If you want more, here are some related articles you can download from my website at tinatessina.com/monthly_column.html

HAPPINESS TIPS FROM TINA

Anticipating Change
Are You Confident or Arrogant?
Attitude Adjustment
Autonomy vs Dependency
The Colors of You
Comforting the Little Orphan Girl
Coping with Critics
Detox Your Life
Do You Understand Emotional Intelligence
Drama, Trauma, and Time Travel
Four Steps to Success
Getting Out of Your Way
Growing Up As An Adult
Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely
Healing Dysfunction - Thanking the Past
Independence and Self-Reliance: Keys to Happiness
Intuition or Inner Knowing
Looking Backward, Looking Forward
Motivation And How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)
Patterns of Change
Peace Begins at Home
Resolving Inner Anarchy
Response-Ability
Self Control: Who’s in Charge Here?
Taming Your Inner Brat
Tapping Your “Inner Mentor” to Create New Meaning in Your Life
What’s the Use: Overcoming Self-Defeating Thoughts
Anger Management
Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude
Kindness and Happiness
Letting Go of Anxiety

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Wishing you joy,
Tina B. Tessina, PhD
www.tinatessina.com