Kathy Whitmore, an LPGA Hall of Famer, called me up when she was in town with a couple buddies a week or so ago.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“Kathy Whitmore.” I was told.

“Oh. You must want my wife. She’s at 770-***-****. This is 770***-****.”

“I tried the first number, but she was not there, either. She gave me this number. So I used it — and got you.”

“Well, she isn’t at home, so my number is of no use, either.”

“. . . .Is this Bob Mills, the TV announcer?”

“Yeeessss,” I replied, suspiciously.

“I thought I recognized your voice! When did you retire? Are you still on TV? You used to announce the 1st tee participants in whatever LPGA event Locust Hill in Rochester was holding; with a voice like yours, everyone could hear and understand what was going on. Remember Gary Smith, Ed Furland, and Foster Brooks?”

“I sure do! Last time I was with Foster was in somebody’s trailer near the 1st tee, waiting to be called, sharing some coffee.”

“Well, I hated when Gary Smith was on! What a sissy, little kid’s voice he had! And Furland! He was a mile and a half from being any good! And Amy Alcott: she deliberately drove her ball into water and sand traps because Brooks said she would look better playing naked; he said she was really a man in women’s duds. I Ihink you were the only reason we played — that plus the money!”

“I thought y’all were very good,” I mumbled, referring to the gals I had known.

“Yeah. You shoulda heard we said in the locker room. Remember Nancy Lopez?”

“Sure. The very first tournament she ever played — and won — was at Locust Hill. And she showed up with her boyfriend’s car, and the boyfriend, and her clubs in the trunk. She didn’t marry him, did she? She had to change her clothes and put on her shoes in the parking lot.”

“She did, but it didn’t last. Changed her clothes in the parking lot?. . . bet that was the last time she ever did that! . . . When did you marry Chris Rosack?”

“1973. The same year you guys beat her out of the Hall of Fame.”

“You still blame us?”

“She wouldn’t be Mrs. Robert Mills, otherwise.

“Is she home yet?”

“No.”

“Have her call me. At 212-***-****. . . By the way, you still wanta name for your new Braves’ stadium in Cobb County? How about ‘Aaron’s Harum’ or ‘Hank’s Shack’? They’re free! (click)



Copyright © 2014 by Robert A. Mills, all right reserved; may not be published, re-written or broadcast without author’s permission