Helloooooo Fans of Meeeee!!!!!

Happy after-4th and all that. Nothing like celebrating Independence Day with an FBI flashlight beaming in your face from a speed boat while helicopters hover above and jets make the rounds. (Apparently the jets have a lot of leftover feul from when they decided not to take off during the 9/11 attacks. Oh well: better late than never.)

So it's official, I'm now a columnist for UFO Magazine, starting in the August issue. It's also official, I will be teaching/lecturing at the Learning Annex Sept. 8th and Oct. 20th. A friend wanted to come but I told him not to. Ralph, if you can hear me, I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! YOU CAN COME! That goes for every last one of ya.

So when I first posted news of this Learning Annex thingy, a few of you who know me thought the world was coming to an end. It is. Need more proof? -- There is a teacher in Indiana who is trying to get my book on the contemporary lit requirements list at Manchester College. She also wants me to speak to the student body.

Start praying.

In other news, sorry I haven't been updating my valiens site as I keep saying I'm going to. I'm having technical difficulties, like the web master is an extremely busy woman who is kindly doing this website for me for free. Since I am a monkey who can't update my site and since, contrary to my fame, I have no fortune, if anyone out there in "Still Reading This Land" knows how to update websites and wants to update mine for free--that's right, FREE!!!--please contact me. (If it's true that everyone likes free things then you'll love doing this for free!)

Finally, a DJ in Vermont showed a sketch I drew of the UFO I saw there ages ago to a friend of hers who claimed to have seen a UFO there as well. He took a look at the drawing and said, "Yep. That's what I saw." So that makes two other strangers in Vermont who saw this damn thing. Maybe Vermont has its own fleet.

Finally, finally, a man from France told me my book is the first book in English he read all the way through. It's on his favorites list and he's telling his friends to ignore the title and read it (*ahem*). So even the snooty French love my book. But then again, they love snails. But then again, so do I.

Finally thrice... Still haven't read my book? Well what the fuck are you waiting for, asshole?--The French love it! Vermonters live it! Nobody has had the balls to tell me it sucks! Maybe you can be the first--Hold the phone... Happy thoughts... What I mean to say is, I have a special running if you order through Authors Den. You'll get the book for cheap and autographed and all that. Plus I will get rich off your hard-earned money and you'll be helping the economy. So do us all a favor: shut me up. Read it.

Love Ya,

jeremy
www.valiens.com