Why hello there! Thanks for choosing to sign up for my newsletter. The letters aren't always brief but they are always informative and funny. Or barring that, they are something to divert your attention from whatever it is you do with your time. Clearly, you don't want to be doing what you're doing right now. Who does? So sit back, relax, and enjoy fresh, hot ME.
Truly,
Jeremy Vaeni
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www.valiens.com
UFO Magazine
Newsletter Dated: 8/29/2004 11:49:18 AMSubject: Friday Is My Birthday!!!
Dear Friends of Me:
It's been brought to my attention that this Friday is September 3rd. That's my birthday. I turn 31. Weird.
In celebration of this momentous occasion, I'm going to make it easy on you: Don't care about a party; don't care about gifts. Please, pretty please with sugar on top do one of two things on September 3rd. Either:
A.) Buy my book entitled, I Know Why The Aliens Don't Land! from Amazon.com. Unlike Barnes and Noble, they actually continue to fill orders when they run out of stock in their warehouse and it means something when one's book climbs their charts. So a one-day coordinated effort would be a powerful means of accomplishing this. And blah-blah-blah...
B.) If you own the book/have zero interest in reading it/are poor and would rather eat food than my book, your gift to me, should you choose to give one, is to convince a friend or family member to buy it on Friday.
For doing either of these you will be rewarded at a later date. Most likely after death. You know...in heaven?
Thanks and Love!
Jeremy Vaeni
