Why hello there! Thanks for choosing to sign up for my newsletter. The letters aren't always brief but they are always informative and funny. Or barring that, they are something to divert your attention from whatever it is you do with your time. Clearly, you don't want to be doing what you're doing right now. Who does? So sit back, relax, and enjoy fresh, hot ME.
Truly,
Jeremy Vaeni
---------------
www.valiens.com
UFO Magazine
Newsletter Dated: 4/30/2007 2:37:57 PMSubject: What "Veggie Tales" & "Natural Sex Appeal 3" Have In Common
"No One's Watching: An Alien Abductee's Story" makes its DVD debut tomorrow. I'm currently ranked 127 out of 267 titles making their bow on Amazon.
That's right, "Veggie Tales" and "Natural Sex Appeal Vol 3," eat my ass--I'm friggen beating you. I am sexier than you and, exempting sweet potato, taste better.
Know who else can kiss it? Princess Diana. What? Too soon? Not too soon for me to be ranked #14 in biographies. That's right. And #17 in documentaries. Oh snap, bitches!
BUY MY MOVIE AND SEND A MESSAGE TO HOLLYWOOD!
"Hello, Hollywood? Me, here. I want Jeremy Vaeni to be in you. No, not like that. Yes, like THAT. What's that you say? No matter what I do, 'Dreamgirls' is gonna debut at #1? Oh, not another race war. Okay, forget it." *CLICK*
Wait...why did you hang up? You call that a message? Thanks for trying at least. Better than nothing. So's this:
http://astore.amazon.com/jeremyvaeniho-20
Thanks, everyone, for already making my little film such a huge success! Keep up the good work. Heaven, yada-yada, reward.
Sincerely,
Jeremy Vaeni
