Thoughts about my husband and the life we once had together.

Three months ago you were alive and with me. We talked about things we wanted to do this summer and that we'd go out to dinner on my birthday. You even said you might consider going back to Vermont again. I think you said that to placate me, never the less, it made me happy.

I saw that you were not able to do the things you once did, yet I urged you to try to fix a few things and you did. I could see the satisfaction in your eyes, and I noticed the slowness in your walk.

We talked about most of our children and the direction their lives had taken. As days went by, you took the time to have special talks with some of them and gave them advise on different aspects of life. I wonder if you had a premonition of something happening and you said nothing to me.

I remember the night we laid in our bed and talked about dieing and how we would try to cope with it's harsh realities. Little did I realize it would happen so soon. I wish with all my heart, it never had.
I can do nothing to bring you back and all I have left are memories of your smile, your touch, our love! I do not have you though and there is no "US"!

The loneliness I feel is overwhelming and all consuming. I try to do the best I can to go on, but it's so hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't do it any more! Writing my thoughts and feelings helps to releave the anguish and pain I feel.

Now I will go to bed and dream sweet dreams of the life we once shared and pretend you are here with me.
I love you and miss you with all my heart.