Phone calls at midnight always strike like lightening from above, especially since they seem to always bring me bad news about those I love.

No different was last night, when at my computer I sat, I wondered at 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, where were you at.

It wasn't like you not to call and let me know what was up, even though you're 20 you still like telling me what's up.

A feeling, unexplained and uneasy, crept over me slow, I tried to shrug it off as being tired, but you still had yet to show.

So to keep busy, I cleaned your cats' boxes, a job you know I hate, hoping somewhere in the middle the phone would ring and it'd be you saying why you were late.

I dialed your cell, and got voicemail, so I left a stupid message about needing cat litter for all your cats, but the real reason I called was to hear your voice, not hearing was driving me bats.

I puttered in the kitchen, fed your fish, and threw clothes in the wash, it was getting later and later, and still you hadn't called.

So I dialed your cell again, and got your voicemail again, I just hung up without leaving a message, because here came those feelings again.

It was Midnight, and I was sitting at my computer again, for the third time, when you called said "Mom, I've just flipped my car, we're at the hospital, I gotta go, I'm not sure, but I think Nicole and me are fine."

You hung up, not telling really me when, how, or where, I took the phone with me, crawled into bed, and wished I was there.

1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, but still no you, what was really going on, I knew there were things I had to do.

So I started dialing, searching, for the hospital where you were, so I could talk to someone who I hoped would try and reassure.

I finally found you, but they said that you were being checked out, released they said, I still was filled with doubt.

Then a chorus line of thoughts began dancing through my mind like whirling dervishes with contorted faces, and eyes that were blind.

You think I don't love you, because I'm not the motherly type, I'm rough, I'm tough, and don't put up with all your hype.

But I have lost many of those I've loved through twisted metal and busted glass, so forgive me if I don't react with the shock and actions of the past.

A fiance, a brother, many cousins, and good friends, all because someone drank, drove too fast, or didn't pay attention.

One thing my daughter, that you may or may not know, is I've always loved you, since the day I had you, and while I may be ready for you to move out and live your own life, I'm not, nor will I ever be, ready for you to GO!

©2001 Lloydene F. Hill