wondering
if
I’ll ever put to paper again
my heart
wondering if it’s in me
wondering as I crack my knuckles
if
anything I ever write will make sense
and why the torture
why the torment
why the ever present call
and a voice inside says shhhh
says calm
it will come when it comes
watch your bucket fill
keep your eyes and heart open
full throttle
to
all things
emotions love anger
nature clouds draping soggy hills
beads of rain whisked in swipes of wipers
clearing the vision
of
why
it is I am stumped
to tell the world how wrong it is
about
me
about who I am and how I feel
about my new life
and how wonderful it is
how painful my heart beats
when I know you won’t see me
can’t
because you only want to
live
in yesterday
and refuse to give
this
day
the chance it deserves
me
the chance I deserve
shhhh be calm
it will come when it comes
and the sound of cracking knuckles
echoes
bouncing the walls of frustration
within each bead of rain
being whisked into the vision
of
wondering