I have heard lies and I have lived them, I know  the devastation that they cause, and I know that it is a sin before ourselves and our Father. I know who the father of lies is, yet he can yet deceive even the best. He talks as in a whisper, but if you listen closely you can really hear hissing. The serpent first and last. Why should I leave the place of my birth, that being the bosom of my Father. Who else has beenbeside  me in the storms. Holding my hand and whispering his love through all my attempts at living in his image. Now the latest, I am alone my enemy lies  Yes I know how one can be amidst people, sometimes sister and brother, parents. At times the one who holds you close at the end of the day. yet you feel nothing, except a separation that would pull your heart and spirit right from your body. I know, I have battled this since I was a child. In a stadium at a concert and still feeling a chasm that seems never to shrink. Nothing visible but it wears on your soul as real as can be. I hear all the seemingly good advice, and sometimes the stern rebuke, and what has it accomplished ? Nothing the feeling is still there, praying and fasting using the tools of our trade. What if there was a understanding, what is it, why is it, I shrug my shoulders, that’s the only answer I have. Trying to fill up the day with things to do, but there’s still that gap for the serpents voice to slip through. I know it’s a lie, but it helps me not. I am still there. It keeps me from the place I would rather be, it steals my dreams, It is not a play thing, how horrible this tplace is. Yet will I ever be delivered, Yes, when the time is right, when I am in the right place, God will come through, He always has. I just sit and listen to music and let it carry my thoughts away. I can fly on its notes, and I no longer think of what it is that is bothering me. I know there is a place that God resides within me, he sees my pain and knows that I didn’t wish this upon myself. It is a test to drive me closer to God, it will teach me to surrender, my desires for his, and my desre to please him will drive me to live on past this old quarry. So even as my mentor and big brother David did I will praise him even in the midst of my pain. For God will get the glory out of everything I endure!