Thanks for the reviews guys. I realized my mistake while watching television. Here is a different version. Tell me what you think! This version is tetractys where:
1st line is 1 syllable
2nd line is 2 syllables
3rd line is 3 syllables
4th line is 4 syllables
5th line is 10 syllables
Give me your opinions and if I did this one correct!
Mike is my friend now and I later found out he was gay. He composes music for a living.
Mike Music Disneyland Future Gay Friend Riding rides not an option any more.
Written December 19th, 2003 8:59pm Central time All rights reserved
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Reviews of "California..rewritten"
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Reviewed on December 20, 2003
Nope in my dialect the last line has a perfect 10, greats ways of reading this, well done:))
the last line is 10 syllables ... i am somewhat befuddled by the continuity of the motif ... many ways to read into it ... not that that's a bad thing ...
From the 1st line to the 3rd, this appears to be only a list of words; only the 4th and the 5th means something only you can understand. As a reader, I'm somewhat lost in this.
Are you talking about Mike? Is he gay? Is he not your friend yet? The last line puzzles me for I was lost in the first few lines...
I'm sorry if I had offended you...but it's only me and my 2 cents worth of opinion of myself reading this. Ah!...what do I know?
Sandie Angel a.k.a. May Lu :o)
Reviewed by Kate Clifford (Reader)
Reviewed on December 19, 2003
Great fix! I think the last line has only 9 syllables. You need one more word. But I could be wrong.
The deep-dive literary meditations presented as stories, poems, and essays in The American Poet Who Went Home Again, A Mosaic of My Soul at Work, have captivated and inspired readers ever since its first paperback publication in 2008.
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Happy Holidays
Peg
From the 1st line to the 3rd, this appears to be only a list of words; only the 4th and the 5th means something only you can understand. As a reader, I'm somewhat lost in this.
Are you talking about Mike? Is he gay? Is he not your friend yet? The last line puzzles me for I was lost in the first few lines...
I'm sorry if I had offended you...but it's only me and my 2 cents worth of opinion of myself reading this. Ah!...what do I know?
Sandie Angel a.k.a. May Lu :o)