Mom, Dad, you're here, that's swell
There's something important I have to say
I’ve found my soul mate, his name is Dell
Oh, no. Don’t worry. No, I’m not gay!

Dell and I, you see, are one
He does what I command
I simply think it, and it’s done
The world is in my hand

Today I’m in the Pentagon
Shall we bomb Saddam?
Just one click and he's gone
Terrorist, be damn

Hey, Dad. Short a little cash?
A hundred thousand, will that do?
One click here and you’ll have it in a flash
Now, please get yourself something new!

And, Mom, how about a shopping spree?
Diamonds, clothes and so much more
You can have anything at all. What shall it be?
All delivered promptly to your door

Oh, now I’ve got it. How about the evil IRS.
A nice invasive virus that should do the trick
Let’s raise a little havoc and create a nasty mess
Oh, don’t you love it? I’m so dawn slick!

I’m so happy now, it’s like a wondrous dream
We’re powerful, almighty, invincible, Dell and me
We are like the Gods. Oh, I think I’m going to scream!
For I shall have the glory, forever it shall be

Well, son. I hate to spoil your glorious day
But, your being a crook isn't pleasing to me
And, I must warn you, the FBI is on its way.
I’m afraid the fun is over now, so please cut the glee!

What? No joking now. This cannot be.
I ran my cloaking program, that’s right
From home to satellite and then a ship at sea
I’m invisible, Dad, completely out of sight

That’s not it. Your cloaking worked just fine.
It’s when your little sister came to say, "Hi."
You blew her off, and that really crossed the line
You yelled and screamed at her, "Out, away, goodbye!

"Now you little punk, go! Leave my room!
And don't come back, If you do I’ll log on PBS
And your friend Barney will go boom!"
She left in tears, upset, her face a mess

You laughed at her, had so much fun
But she was sick, in pain, despair
She went right to the phone and dialed 9-1-1
"There’s a bomb strapped to Barney’s chair!"

Why did you do it? I’m simply at a loss
Steal, destroy—take jobs away
Now a jail cell will be your cross
So, it’s over now. What have you to say?

I did it ‘cause I could, I’m just so good you see
That’s just the way I am. And when I get out
We’ll do it all again, I mean Dell and me
Because we’re the best without a doubt.

Copyright 2002, 2012