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What If: Vol 3-10

Cramming

In the two months

or so

since they’d met,

having not a doubt

that she loved him more than ever,

he was convinced that his future with Susan depended

—unequivocally depended—

on a college education,

even if that education was

for something as mundane

as commercial photography,

and still

to this time

she had not the slightest hint

he was anything but a B+ student.

Susan having been to the house

and having met his parents

now knew they

were far from what she considered as wealthy

and though disappointed,

loving him as she did

Susan had stated:

“We’ll make our own future together, darling.”

As for Susan’s parents,

having adjusted their minds

to the fact that,

so it seemed,

their future son-in-law may not be a doctor,

may not be a lawyer,

or, at the least, a CPA,

but because of his parent’s apparent wealth:

a home in Skokie;

and a privately owned,

successful business;

because of these materialistic things,

Susan’s parents lowered their standards

and did nothing to hinder

—in their minds—

their still chaste relationship

and were aware of

and did acknowledge  

the mutual love the two young people had for each other.

And besides,

they liked the young man:

he was courteous,

well-mannered

and showed exemplary respect to both of them,

and, they were sure,

to their daughter also.

And besides,

envisioning the appearance of a far in the future grandchild,

“Don’t those two kids look beautiful together!”

For her birthday

he gave Susan a monogrammed

white cashmere sweater,

took her to dinner,

and to see the movie ‘Moulin Rouge’.

“Whenever we kiss, I worry and wonder,

your lips may be near, but where is your heart?”

And the beautiful theme became their song.

Susan urged me save money for a car

so when I did go to Rochester

I’d be able to drive home

whenever possible to see her.

So I began to put every spare cent into a savings account.

In an effort not to see too much of each other,

and possibly

—although it seemed impossible—

io grow tired of what we did to,

and with each other, and maybe

—more than just maybe—

to allow our passion to progress further

than Susan may want,

By Susan’s decree,

we  saw each other only on Friday or Saturday nights,

and then again,

usually,

during the day on Sunday.

Which was all right with me

because between school,

cramming for my oh,

—so rapidly—

approaching entrance exam,

and my part-time job,

with but one telephone call a night to Susan,

each minute of each break was spent

poring over my books,

and since meeting Susan in December,

five months ago,

I had spent every possible minute cramming for the exam.

Having confidence I would pass it,

on Thursday, May twenty-nine,

hating the lie,

telling Susan I was going for orientation

and to find living quarters,

boarding a train bound for Rochester, New York.

I returned on Saturday in a highly elated state of mind.

June 12, 1952

“Hi, Mom! The mail come?”

“Yes, ‘it’ came.

Coming from the kitchen,

she watched as her son anxiously opened the envelope.

                   ***

“Sue, I’ve got to see you today,

as soon as possible.”

Wondering at the tone of his voice,

“You know the rules.

Can’t you tell me on the phone?”

“No, I can’t, Sue.

It’s real important, please.”

“I can’t imagine what could be that important.

But okay, when can you be here?”

“Now, honey

as soon as I can get there.”

“Okay, but it’s almost dinner,

and you know how my mom gets.”

“Yeah, Sue, I know. I’m sorry.”

                   ***

“…Sue, I’m sorry.”

He’d never allowed himself the thought of this moment.

“I’m so sorry.”

Sitting in the car in front of her building,

“I don’t understand.”

fighting back tears of both,

disbelief and anger,

“How could this happen?”

“Sue… honey,

we met before Christmas

and I’ve been studying for that test

every minute I could since that next Monday

and I thought sure I’d pass it.”

“I don’t understand!”

she repeated.

“If you carried a B-plus average

you wouldn’t have a problem getting into almost any college!

And you wouldn’t have to take a stupid entrance exam!

What happened?”

God, how do I tell her?

“Sue, I…”

His head hanging dejectedly,

not looking at her,

“I guess I, uh, lied.”

“Lied?”

 Disbelieving.

“You lied?

about what?”

“Sue, on that first night,

when I met your folks

I saw how important college was to them…”

Lifting his head, turning to her,

“and you, and…”

tears coming to his eyes.

“Oh, God, Sue!

I knew that if I…”

 Sighing,

 “I lied about my average,

and even about wanting to go to college.”

“I asked you if you told us the truth that night!”

She said angrily,

“Didn’t I?”

What If: Vol 4-2

Aftermath 1

“Yes,”

his stomach tightening,

“you did.”

His voice rising in desperation,

“What was I supposed to do?

What was I supposed to say?

I couldn’t walk out of your life, Sue.

I loved you the second I saw you!

What could I do?

I knew if I told the truth

it would be over then!

If I told your folks then

We would never have started then!

You’d have said goodbye to me

and we’d have never happened!”

Taking a deep breath,

swiping his hand over his eyes,

“Tell me, Sue,

what should I have done?

Should I have told them

their A-plus daughter was

about to start dating a dummy?”

“Oh, no!”

turning her face aside,

crying,.

“I’d never think you were a dummy.”

Taking hold of her chin,

turning her face so he might see her eyes,

“Sue, right there,

right then,

when your dad started grilling me

I promised myself I’d do anything for you!”

Forcing himself to speak slower.

Forcing himself to speak softer,

“And that’s why I lied,

because I’m not a dummy;

I’m lazy.

And I knew if I worked harder

than I’d ever worked in my life

I’d be able to do it.

Shit!”

He said emphatically,

“I had no plans of going to college

before I met you!”

His voice rising again,

Forcing himself under control,

“Hell, Sue,

all I ever did was screw around

before I met you.

I never cared about college

before I met you.

But then I did meet you,

and I knew

that if I wanted to be with you,

that if I wanted to marry you,

that I would have to go to college!

And thought if I worked my ass off,

really worked my ass off,

I’d do it!

And also…

and I’ve said this so many times,

I really believed

—do believe—

that God brought us together.

And if God would do that

—bring us together—

then he’d surely help me get into college

so that we would be together…

And if I did get into R.I.T.,

then why would you need to know

what a complete f***-up I’ve been?”

To be continued

©March 4, 2012 / Mark M. Lichterman