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Marriage Talk 2

“No,” she said,

“I don’t hate you.

But I’d like you to,

if only once in a while,”

—equating her emotions,

a woman’s emotions and motivations to his,

a man’s emotions and motivations—

“if only once in a while

you’d let me know that you care about me!

‘Really’ care about me and ‘just’ touch me!”

“I do care about you!”

Confused,

“And I always touch you!”

“You say you care about me,

but no,

you don’t really!

And the way you always touch me

is not the way I always want to be touched!

That’s not what I mean by touching me!

Whenever you touch me it’s like you’re

telling me you want to be f***ed.”

Wincing at the word,

wondering why she always

referred to their lovemaking

as ‘screwing’ or ‘f***ing’

never as ‘making love’!

“You ‘never’ just touch me!

You’re always grabbing my tits,

or my behind, or my crotch!”

Amazed at this.

Amazed at her perception that

that’s the way she ‘perceived’ he treated her.

“That’s not true !” he said

Hurt!

Hurt and insulted she’d even

‘think’ he didn’t care about her.

Care about her?

he thought.

Hell!

That she’d even think I don’t love her!

That she’d say he only touched her

in ‘those places’ when he knew he didn’t

—not ‘only’ in those places—

“I don’t ‘only’ touch your tits

or your behind or your crotch!”

he said emphatically,

though still speaking softly,

thinking,

That’s not how I treat her!

But rationalizing:

If I do,

then maybe it’s because I’m a man

and maybe

that’s how a man’s supposed to be?

Further considering:

But what if she was right in her estimation

of how she was thought of, and treated by him?

And if she was,

the thought that he might ‘truly’ be that way

—even if it was the ‘manly’ way to be—

Marriage Talk 3

the thought that he might ‘truly’ be that way

—even if it was the ‘manly’ way to be—

saddened him.

But no!

He knew himself,

so said, “That’s just ‘not true ’!

I do love you!

I tell you I love you all the time!

I always say I love you!

I don’t understand how you can say

I don’t care about you!

I do care!

But even if I am

as the way you say I am,

at least I tell you I love you,

because lately you don’t even do that.

Lately it’s like you don’t want me to touch you, or,”

he added sadly,

“even want me near you!”

“You tell me you love me when you want sex!”

the young woman said.

“I tell you I love you all the time!”

the young man said.

“Yeah, and you want sex all the time.”

Softening her tone,

“Yes, you do tell me you love me,

but you don’t show it,”

she said wearily.

“You’ll never just say,

‘I love you’ and touch my shoulder or hand.

You always grab me and make me feel

like you want me to get undressed or something.”

Thinking, My God!

I don’t ‘always grab her’!

Amazed at this.

“I don’t!” he said empathically.

I don’t do that ‘all the time’!”

Admitting,

“Yes, sometimes I may,

but most times I just want to hug you.”

Truly amazed that her perception

of their marriage was so different than his.

That her perception of his show of affection was,

in his opinion, so…

distorted, so...

skewed.

“Sometimes,” the young woman said,

“I feel very lonely for you

and just want to be held by you.

But whenever I open myself to you,

It’s taken as a sign that I’m asking for sex

and then you touch my tits or ass

and before you know it I’m fighting you off,

or, giving in…

trying to pretend that I’m enjoying it.”

“ ‘Fighting me off’?”

the young man asked incredulously .

“ ‘Pretend’?

You…”

Stopping, digesting the word,

“You ‘pretend’.”

To be continued

©April 17, 2012 / Mark M. Lichterman