Smoking is not good for you,

I think most would agree,

Safe to say, it’s also true ,

That it might cause decease,

That it smells, can’t argue there,

We can’t deny the facts,

But so does horse manure,

Yet nobody’s banning that,

Though let’s be fair, they are not banned,

That would infringe our human rights,

No!! The government improve our health,

By hiking up the Price,

Now obviously it must be said,

That’s not for financial gain,

It’s obvious the more they cost,

The less toxins they contain,

That’s only true of England though,

For at near six pounds a pack,

It’s clear the cure for nicotine,

Is a healthy dose of Tax,

Now let’s move on to gasoline,

(That’s petrol over here)

It’s true that fumes from car exhausts,

Pollute the atmosphere,

And the ozone layer’s full of holes,

And thin enough to tear,

But the government assures us now,

That it can be repaired,

And what cunning plan have they devised,

To get our ozone back?

Cut down green house emissions,

And then hike up the Tax,

Because speaking scientifically,

Late rains and early frost,

Are caused by global warming,

Which is governed by the cost,

Therefore increase our Taxes,

And the problem goes away,

And that seems true in England,

For everything these days,

Take council Tax for instance,

(Poll Tax as used to be)

First introduced to parliament,

About sixteen eighty three,

But thrown out at every sitting,

As a really daft idea,

Until forced through by the government,

During the Thatcher years,

Of course they’ll argue that the Council Tax,

And Poll Tax aren’t the same,

And I’ll concede there’s differences,

Apart from just the name,

But one begat the other,

So as far as I’m concerned,

They’re both unfair Taxations,

That decrease how much we earn,

Now Council Tax is supposed to pay,

For maintenance of our streets,

The public waste collection,

The fire brigade and police,

Yet we segregate our own waste,

Sorting cardboard, tins and clothes,

But the council will not take the bins,

Unless the lids are closed,

And there’s a microchip inserted,

To keep the weight exact,

Well guess who paid for that then,

That’s right, our Council Tax,

And that Council Tax keeps going up,

To improve our way of life,

Yet there’s less policemen on the beat today,

Than in nineteen sixty five,

Then there’s Income Tax and Road Tax,

V.A.T as well,

We pay Tax on everything we buy,

And everything we sell,

Car Licence Tax is for the roads,

You can’t drive a car without it,

But we still have Congestion Charge,

And Toll Roads, never doubt it,

There’s Tax on our inheritance,

Stamp Duty and Land Tax,

They’re even bringing in one,

For a lovely view in fact,

And a Tax on home improvements,

Double-glazing and the like,

Just a rehash of the medieval one,

That used to Tax the light,

Now let me see, is that the lot?

There can’t be many left,

Oh yes how silly of me,

I forgot the Tax on death,

I think it’s called Death Duty,

And there’s still some more I know,

There’s National Insurance,

That’s a kind of Tax I s’pose,

That pays for all the hospitals,

Their medicines and staff,

To give each of us free health care,

Now isn’t that a laugh,

There’s a waiting list for surgery,

A chronic lack of beds,

And the nursing staff that still remain,

Are almost worked to death,

Our National Health Opticians,

Are getting pretty rare,

And you’ve more chance to find fresh Dodo eggs,

Than find free Dental care,

There’s Company Tax, and Betting Tax,

Even Stealth Tax, would you believe?

I wonder when they’re going to start,

To Tax the Air we breathe?

State Schools are under funded,

Education’s lax,

But they can’t employ more teachers,

Unless they increase our Tax,

Yes there it is, that word again,

Our governmental motto,

I swear if they could find a way,

They’d put Tax on Santa’s grotto,

‘Cause it’s a government fixation,

Or National Institution,

In fact the only things they have not Taxed,

Are drugs and Prostitution,

Though I’m sure that’s just coincidence,

I wouldn’t want to start no rumours,

Of course there was that Christine Keeler case,

And that MP called Perfumo,

But that was so many years ago,

It’s probably best if it’s not mentioned,

And I’d better finish off now,

Before I start on our State Pension.

By S.E.Ralph

7-4-2007